Hantu Dalam Jamban Berjari Panjang Berkuku Tajam

Masa aku kecil, aku seorang budak yang tidak takut cerita-cerita hantu mahupun kemungkinan terjumpa hantu. Prinsip aku sebagai budak kecil ketika itu mudah, bagi aku selagi kita percaya adanya kewujudan sesuatu yang maha hebat dan tidak terkalah, which is obviously God,tiada yang patut ditakutkan. Hantu tidak akan dapat mempengapakan aku, begitu pendapat aku sebagai seorang anak kecil yang tulus dan berhati suci. Masa itulah. Sekarang hati aku barangkali sudah banyak dicemari tinta-tinta hitam biarpun aku masih tidak takut pada hantu.

Tapi, semasa aku masih kecil itu aku terfikir suatu perkara, lebih kepada teori. Satu-satunya tempat yang merisaukan aku jikalau hantu muncul secara kejutan hari jadi ialah jamban. Sebagai Muslim, kita semua tahu kita tidak patut mengucapkan salam ketika di dalam jamban, apatah lagi membaca ayat-ayat suci. Kalau tidak kita bisa menerima penampar manja dari orang-orang yang sensitif tentang agama.

Jadi, fikirku sebagai seorang budak kecil ketika itu, aku tertanya. Macamana kalau hantu keluar dari lubang jamban? Terutamanya tandas cangkung. Aku selalu terbayang sebatang tangan yang berjemari panjang dan berkuku tajam berbisa akan keluar dari mangkuk tandas dan... Bayangkanlah sendiri implikasinya kepada anda yang sedang enak meneran najis! Bolehkah masa itu aku melaung azan kuat-kuat dan menghalau hantu tersebut atau cuba membaca ayat Kursi? Begitulah persoalanku waktu itu. Well honestly it doesn't sound so good to recite part of the holy book while our ass is spewing with shit!

Kemudian, apabila aku meningkat dewasa, semuanya jadi tidak relevan. Kerana belum pernah lagi ada tangan hantu berjari panjang yang cuba mencakar, mengorek, menjolok ataupun cuba menculik aku ketika membuang air besar. Walaupun hantu lain mungkin wujud, seperti juga hantu-hantu yang digunakan kerajaan, hantu lubang jamban berjari panjang berkuku tajam itu tidak wujud. Aku pasti.

Pernahkah anda melihat hantu ini? Atau menjadi mangsanya?

Sila berikan komen jika anda pernah.

Ini Cradle of Filth. Walaupun filthy, bukan hantu jamban.

Where Did You Hide The Bodies?

Hahahahahahahhaha

Click the image to go to xkcd.

The Danjo Dancing Human (unidentified sex)

Dude or girl now? You decide.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Anyway you can watch the other video HERE

Demented Solitude

For about a week now, I've been experimenting with the state of solitude and loneliness. The subject of this experiment is none but myself. The core of this experiment is to lose my connection with the real world, well, almost. For about a week now, I didn't talk with anyone I know except on the internet and very minimal texting and almost no phone calls.

The hostel was empty from any trace of identifiable faces, only strangers. During this solitude sometimes I would ride to town. Avoiding those I know with best effort. I know I'm supposed to be home by now. But day after day, I kept on telling myself, "I'll be home tomorrow" and these words eventually meant nothing. I'm still here. Walking among strangers. Talking to unfamiliar faces. Without noticing it I was secretly fascinated with this idea. I'm anonymous because I'm in-between familiarity and alienation. A tourist is not anonymous because his or her differences gather too much attention. I'm familiar, yet I'm unknown, therefore I am anonymous.

Most strangers we see everyday are anonymous anyway.

What I'm doing now is not truly solitude, but a solitude in a world of anonymity. This experience somehow turned these familiar room, familiar place, familiar town into a strange world. Each passing day was almost dreamlike. Dreamlike, because each thought was spoken in mind. As I woke up alone from sleep, I'd walk to the toilet with no one to greet. Then I'd be back in my room. Staring at the walls. Planning a fun thing to do alone. Then I'd lay on the bed, alone. Staring at the ceiling, alone. Drinking tea while reading some blogs, alone.

In actuality most of the things above are preferably done alone yes? Unless you're married or gay.

Each night I'd ride to town for takeouts, usually fast-food most of the time, just like the pizza I mentioned. Then I'd ride to the flea market for chicken wings and a few boxes of cigarettes. In this solitude, there was no lunch, only dinner. Then I'd judge them foods while reading or watching something on the computer screen. It was pretty bland and dull. I'd add this dullness by keeping the silence in the air. No loud music blaring from the speaker and of course not a single voice heard from outside the room. Only voices of strangers and noises from clueless birds.

Through this almost a week of solitude, I think I'm able to grasp why people could turn to either geniuses or murderers by living alone for too long. Being alone gives you too much space for you to think and when you think sometimes your thoughts wander beyond borders. They could just be creativity and also, yes, insanity. I'm sure I'm capable of murder at the moment.

Today, I think it's time to get back to reality. I'm going home. Before I turn to a murderer.

He or She?

Someone dancing the Danjo dance. But... Watch it first.

I bet it's a he. What say you?

The Lovely Bones Movie Adaptation

Last night, I painfully finished watching the movie adaptation of 'The Lovely Bones'.
Here's a one-liner to explain the whole experience;

It bloody fucking sucked.


If you think the movie is  bad, go read the book.

If you think the movie is good, go read the book.

The whole fucking great storyline changed.

The plot changed.

The portrayal of characters changed.

The part when Susie fell from heaven and made love with Ray with Ruth's body was gone.

The bloody time-frame changed.

The whole theme of the novel, fucking changed.

The total value of the story; obliterated to oblivion!


Don't watch it, if you did plan to.

p/s: The only good thing about it is I loved their choice of actress for Susie Salmon.

kisah pizza

duduk sorang-sorang
beli pizza hut regular size dua kotak
makan sorang-sorang
satu pepperoni topping
satu lagi yang cheese gila babi kaw-kaw tu
pizza kedua
tidak sedap langsung
menyesal

*ditaip guna tangan kiri sambil makan pizza kedua*

p/s: I'll never eat pizza again!

Stuff No One Told Me and Your Mother Likes it

I found these two great blogs based on personally drawn cartoons by Alex Noriega. I have to say, I immediately got stuck reading em. You might wanna check em out.

Stuff No One Told Me
Quotes with cartoon characters, based on lessons in life, things you learn yourself through mistakes or observation. Some of them are really meaningful.

Your Mother Likes It
Funny comic strips with brilliant jokes which might make no sense till you think deeply.

The Lovely Bones and I

Currently I'm reading this novel entitled "The Lovely Bones" authored by Alice Sebold, which I bought in June this year. Anyway, I am not an avid reader like how most people I just knew have always assumed. Therefore, if you see me reading a book eagerly, that book must have held something really significant to me.

The Lovely Bones

This novel is a story told from the perception of a 14 year old girl, Susie Salmon, who was raped, murdered, and mutilated to bloody chunks, after her death. In a limbo which is similar to heaven, she was able to observe her family, her friends, and the murderer who shredded her to pieces. The most interesting part in this novel is how she was able to witness how the reaction of her family, friends and the people following her murder. Being killed and dead is really troublesome, especially when you are not able to tell other people who was the bastard who killed you. Do you think the universe will shed her tears and let the truth unfold so your death could be judged or avenged? Bad news, it doesn't. This world is swarming with sick bastards. 

I assure you, it's worth reading.

The first time I read this novel was when I was 15 year old. I borrowed this book from a junior who was much into reading. The guy had a chronic problem with his spine due to a fall or something, so reading books became his world. That time, I've long abandoned reading as my habit but the title, 'The Lovely Bones', seemed to capture my attention. I was immediately interested to read.

As a teenager with raging hormones and issues, guiltily I admit that the part when Susie was raped took my attention, as a boy with limited knowledge about female's anatomy and my curiosity about the strange, attractive nature of sex. That was when pornography was still scarce and getting a porn was similar to holding a Holy Grail. At the same time, I feel disgusted thinking what sick creatures humans are. As intelligent as we often admit, we're just animals with developed ability to think. We are able to think in a far more sophisticated way than other animals. But when it comes to sex, we're back to nature. The nature of sex is animalistic no matter how you try to deny it. And I think for that reason for most normal people the idea of sex is both naughty and exciting, regardless of whether you're open about it or prefer to keep it as bedroom business.

But the curiosity stopped when she was murdered and cut to pieces. Instead I thought, is it possible for me to commit murder? How does it feel to cut people into chunks of meat after having sex with them? What is 'normal' for him and why is it not 'normal' for me? Can I change the borders of normality that I have now? Who created these borders of normal and abnormal anyway? These questions drove me crazy for sometime.

Just for the note, I didn't finish reading the novel because the guy was transferred to other school. So few years later, I found 'The Lovely Bones' again. The novel was adapted into a film with the same title.

And lucky was I, I found the same book which I was searching for a few years, now with a different cover which was based on the movie poster. Reading the novel, back from the beginning as an adult is a unique experience. As I read through the novel, I can feel the differences of the 23 year old and 15 year old versions of myself; how my perception changed, how my ideology changed and how I see things. Also how Susie, the dead girl in a heaven meant to me, now and then.

By the way, the girl who acted as Susie in the movie has really beautiful eyes and hair! I must be pedophile.

The New Cover based on the movie adaptation.

The Old Cover.

Guy Fawkes Mask FAIL

FAIL

Cikgu Shida yang Suka Miming

First, watch this video.

Mula-mula, sekali serius aku cakap aku seram-sejuk tengok video si Shida ni menyanyi. Menyamar jadi lelaki dan menjadi lagi tu! Tidakkah itu membuatkan bulu roma anda meremang? Sepanjang aku tengok video tak habis-habis aku buat ekpressi muka yang berubah-ubah seperti

-.-
O.o
O.O
o.o
=.=
x.x

Tapi walaubagaimanapun, sikit pun aku tak benci dia ataupun kondem hobi masa lapang si Shida ni. Satu, hobi dia ni tidak pun menyusahkan hidup aku mahupun hidup orang lain. Dua, aku tabik sama dia pasal ada balls (?) untuk buat miming siap dengan costume dan makeup. Kalau aku pun kena fikir 10-20 kali dan lepas tu konfirm tak fikir lagi kot. Bagi aku, ini perbuatan yang boleh mendatangkan aib. Hahahaha

Seaib-aib si Shida macam ramai yang orang cakap, aib lagi aku rasa kissing depan KLCC atau berlakon secara tidak sengaja dalam 3GP. Aib lagi tayang-tayang duit orang lain buat bentuk kipas dalam Facebook. Aib lagi pos-pos dekat Wall sendiri mahupun Wall orang dengan tidak tau malu ajak orang ikut MLM dekat Facebook.

Sekurang-kurangnya si Shida ni bijak juga untuk jadi selebriti Youtube dalam masa yang singkat. Paling penting, dia kreatif dan ada inovasi. Walaupun video dia buat aku seram sejuk.

Lagi satu, orang selalu kaitkan apa yang dia buat tu dengan profession perguruan. Apakah the jimak masalah disitu? Malu lagi aku rasa cikgu yang abaikan mengajar dan anak-anak murid untuk ikut bisnes entah apa-apa, terutamanya MLM atau Forex. Kenapa Forex? Pasal buat Forex ni makan masa yang lama. Jangan harap la dapat tidur lena malam hari kalau kau betul-betul buat Forex.

Bagi aku, cikgu-cikgu bebas untuk kejar minat diorang asalkan pengajaran tidak terganggu. Professionalism. Kalau minat untuk mengajar sudah hilang, keluar dari bidang mengajar, senang. Jangan buang masa pelajar-pelajar di sekolah. Paling penting, mengajar itu memerlukan minat, bukan kerana terpaksa. Kalau seseorang guru itu memang minat mengajar, betapa cacamerba pun perangai beliau atau betapa gengster dan outlawnya pun beliau, apa yang diajar tetap akan membuahkan hasil yang baik.

Konklusinya, aku cool dengan Cikgu Shida.

Lin Dan = Dewa Badminton

This is the reason why Lee Chong Wei keeps on losing.

 

Just kidding. Obviously this video is fake. Pause at 0.30-0.35 and see how the shuttleCOCK defied physics.

p/s: I find the word 'shuttlecock' funny. It's like a cock traveling back and forth at different landing spots. Talk about STD. O.o

Don't Fuck with Hitler

Still you remember those kids who kissed in front of Pavilion? I was planning to write my comments about it but for now enjoy this video made by a man with 9000 sense of humour.

credit to TheRebelKid. Found it in her blog. This is too good to be ignored.

Facebook and Virtual Death

YOU RIKE JENNY WADE? I RIKE JENNY WADE.

Lately, for about a week I stopped my usual activities on Facebook, well almost. I log in, scroll down the News Feed and log out. I ignored the posts on my Wall, pretending I never logged in at all. I turned off my phone for about a week too. Except for blogging, but my posts were scarce too anyway for the last few days.

And with this I literally died, virtually. Nobody knew about my whereabouts and it was funny to discover that a friend of mine who stayed just next door was wondering where I was, when in fact I was just in my room and lived my usual routine. When you're gone online, isn't it similar to death?

At first people will be looking for you, drop comments and ask your whereabouts. Next you'll be forgotten and people will move on with their virtual life.

For some moment, I think I'm getting tired with this virtual life. How most people around me lived a large part of their lives on Facebook. Mobile phone itself is a phony way in maintaining integrity of social relationships, well, that's my opinion. We're relying too much on technology.

I'm getting my real life back. I am not planning to live as a hippie though.

How to Waste Your Time and Make Your Brain Work

So how do you do it? Since it's not good to sit comfortably on your couch all day, watch entertainment shows on TV, smoke some cigarettes and watch porn, I'm gonna share this with you.

Recently I've been playing this game called 'World of Goo'. For those who are well informed about games release, please shut your mouth. I know it's late but I've just found this gem and it's a waste if people miss the opportunity to play this.

'World of Goo' was mainly developed by two developers, Kyle Gabler and Ron Carmel, independently. In other words, this game is what we call as 'indie game', other than indie bands that most youngsters are crazy about these days.  I've heard some rumors that this game was made in a coffee shop since those peeps didn't own an office. How cool is that?

Imagine, right now you're given the power to use all the goos in the world to build structures and use that structure you build to achieve a purpose? What's awesome about this game is:

1. The physics. It's super-fucking-realistic. Say, if you're planning to build a bridge, how do you scaffold the structure? Which part do you need strengthen first so that the bridge won't bend and collapse? You can do it this game, WITH A TWIST, add that realistic physics plus GOO physics.

2. The goo. Well, they're kinda annoying but adorable.

3. The puzzles, 48 in total. It will make your brain work, totally. Thinking out of the box is the key.

4. The soundtrack. The soundtracks were composed by one of the developer himself and it suits the game well. Now we have indie music plus indie game!

5. The innovation. I've played a few games like Crayon Physics Deluxe and Ragdoll Canon which utilized in game physics very well but 'World of Goo' gave me this unique and worthwhile experience.

Here's some screenshots so you can see it better:

One of the earlier levels. Use those balloons to balance the bridge.

A simple bridge.

This one might need a few attempts before you can make it work.

Belum sampai lagi level ni. -.-

Anyway, talk is cheap, you have to try it yourself. I beg you, please give this game a try. You won't regret it. So here's a Mediafire download link for the portable version of 'World of Goo'.

World of Goo Portable

By the way, downloading games from the internet for free is bad. It's similar to slavery, imagine if you toiled for a month working your ass in the office but by the end of the month; "Surprise! There's no fucking salary for you hahahaha!" How would that feel? So if you have the means to purchase online, please do buy the game. I'm gonna do that too... When I start working.

Day Away Faraway

It's holiday and everyone is now away
leaving me alone since home is faraway
Monday, Tuesday... Friday
Just another day, weak and useless lifeless I lay
There's nothing worth to play
There's not enough prayer to pray
Everyday
Just the same shit, different day

The Logic of Judging

A cool judge.

I have no clue when this clichéd hype began. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase;

"It's my life, I don't need you to judge me."

or

"Who are you to judge? You have no clue how's it like to walk in my shoes."

It's ironic you see? When you utter such statement, that statement itself is actually judging other people for judging you. We judge people because we feel insecure that they are judging us for our actions. It's merely a backlash because we have our own insecurities that we don't want others to know and wipe it to our faces.

"Who are you to judge me that I'm judging you?"

Everybody judges everybody. That's the truth. It's a redundant cycle. Even after death we're still judged for our actions. Let's quit this judging bullshit. We're just imperfect creatures with our own insecurities. Let's keep on judging each other for God's sake. It's our nature as human beings.

If you're trying to claim that never once have you judged anyone, I can assure you

you must be retarded.

The Theory of Attraction Part I

I'm going to write boring shit about love and relationship.  You may skip this before it bores you.

It's my personal theory about attraction, what it means to us creatures from Mars compared to creatures from Venus. Anyway, I'm a believer of heterosexuality. I believe coitus is the only correct way for sexual intercourse. The theory is simple. I bet you won't like it if I ask you to use your thumb to clean your nostril. But if you still insist to do it, I bet it will not be as much enjoyable and fulfilling as when you use your other fingers. Now imagine if it's mandatory for us human beings to use our big toe to clean our nostril? Will it be enjoyable? That is my logic about sex and sexual orientation.

Now let me ask you, why do I have this mindset that a large number of females are attracted to jerks? I don't develop this mindset in a week you see. It's a mindset that I developed after 23 years of living, observing and reading. I've lost count of cases and stories on how some girls fall head over heels in love with jerks, which frequently end up with the same old story, being dumped with the precious gifts of living spermatozoa.

How do we label jerks? It's difficult for me to accurately define it since I'm male, so naturally I'm kind of a jerk too as I might have adopted the traits without noticing it. Here's a list of the possible characteristics of a typical jerk:

1. I'M ALWAYS RIGHT, ALWAYS RIGHT LOLZZ
2. I'M SO HOT, SO FUCKING HOT ROFL LOLZ
3. I AM THE PIMP LOLZZ SEE THIS USELESS 9000 BUCKS SHIRTS, SHOES LOLLZZ
4. THE WORLD IS ALL ABOUT MEEEE I'M THE HERO LOLLZ
5. I KNOW EVERYTHING LOLLZZZ YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK MEEE IMMA TELL YA

Err, I think those sound more like the characteristics of a douchebag. Let's try that again. How to become a jerk:

1. Treat our girlfriend like crap.
2. Assume relationship as a ticket for free sex.
3. Assume that the world and gossips revolve around us.
4. Brag. A lot.
5. Use violence as much as possible.
6. Remind ourselves constantly how great it is to sleep and fuck around.
7. Ditch a relationship for a hotter girl.
8. Bullshit. And more bullshit. The more the merrier the better.
9. And many more.

Is it true? Is that how jerks are labeled? Honestly I'm not quite sure myself. But one thing I'm sure is the fact that I've lost count of how many times I've witnessed and heard females submitting their body and soul to this glorious species of guys. It happens over and over, same shit different stories. Bitching to no tomorrow about their useless boyfriends on Facebook yet they insist to stay in the unhealthy relationship. Few hours or at most a day after, they will be expressing how happy and wonderful and how they miss their boyfriends and how functional and awesome the relationship is. What the hell is this actually?

Thus, I developed this theory. Pardon the generalization. Girls don't like nice guys. Girls love jerks.

I know, it's not true. I know some friends who made the right choice. I can't say that all these love stories were unfold beautifully like those fairy tales. Some went through hardship. Some went through shit you can't even imagine. But at least they get to embrace their momentary happiness.

Why do some girls love jerks? It's not stupidity. In my opinion the reason is because the ideology is already hard-coded by nature.

*to be continued in Part II*

MS Paint Possibilities

PURE SKILL!

Found here

THIS IS MADNESS!

Wasted Eid

Selamat hari raya Aidil Adha kepada yang beragama Islam.

While some people are probably having gala time eating nutritious food and munching daging kurban, I'm stuck here struggling to catch up with deadline. I woke up at 1 pm today with hungry belly. What a wasted eid. Served me well for staying awake for 2 days. I went into comatose at 3 am last night.

Sempena hari raya haji, inilah post untuk hari ini.

Ini selipar Jepun.

Ini selipar Quiksilver.

Dua-dua boleh melindungi tapak kaki anda dari terpijak tahi anjing.

Dua-dua boleh melindungi mulut anda dari mencarut akibat terpijak paku tekan.

Dua-dua boleh melindungi kaki anda dari terpijak kahak.

Dua-dua boleh guna untuk pergi jamban.

Dua-dua boleh buat kaki anda tampak lebih seksi.

Dua-dua boleh dicuri di masjid masa sembahyang raya.

Itu saja. Sekian terima kasih.

Selamat hari raya.

Val's Paint Comic #4: Gelang AC Mizal

Fuck yeah.

Val's Paint Comic #3: Harga Rokok

If they really care about our health and not the profit, they should stop selling cigarettes at all. Honestly I won't stop buying cigarettes as long they're still available. Most smokers will smoke to their graves regardless of all the dumbshit cancer gore campaign on cigarette's boxes.

Disclaimer: I've lost track of cigarettes' prices now and then so the prices are just estimation.

Paint Comic by Syafiq

Common scenarios at shopping malls. LOL! Click for healthier eyes.

Created by my buddy, Syafiq. GO STALK HIS BLOG NOW!

Val's Paint Comic #2: Why I Sold My Vivaz Pro

Summary of my excitement after I bought the phone:

At first I was like YYYEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!, then I was like ERRR OK, then i was like ZZZZZ

Why Symbian, why?

credit to Safwan for the summary of excitement.

Val's Paint Comic #1

What's daily life about since this mini-thesis thingy.

Muffins

Do you like muffins? I like muffins. Especially chocolate muffins. I swear I'd love to take a muffin to a jolly walk in a park if I could. Now this might sound like a very lame entry.

                         This is a muffin.                                                         This looks like a muffin. 

But now think, how many years have you lived without knowing what will happen if

muffins could talk?

and

muffins grow on trees?

Have you thought about it?

NO SERIOUSLY, have you?

Now click this link below so you will know.

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT MUFFINS

You won't regret it.

That's You.

Hahahahahah

Berlengah

berlengah itu bukan kelemahan

itu bukti kau punya kuasa atas kehendak hatimu

biar dunia cacamerba tak berkesudahan

kau takkan ragu

hahaha

menipu lagi.

My Google Story

Something I thought of while commenting in a blog.

Recently, somebody in my Facebook said 'Kalau setakat google, budak tadika pun boleh google'. This kind of people are stupid cunts and this statement proves their lack of knowledge about what a powerful tool Google is and how many things we can learn from the internet.

Some examples of useless findings and knowledge I learned from the internet:

1. I didn't do any course in computing and programming but from the internet I know my computer inside out, both hardware and software. I am familiar with most of Windows XP aspects and the Windows registry, I don't even need any antivirus to remove virus from my computer, thanks to the internet. The moment I write this post, I don't even use any antivirus. I held my firm belief that usually the most dangerous virus came from people's USB drives rather than the internet. Hahaha I call these people 'penternak babi' pasal dalam komputer diorang ada berjuta-juta virus. With this knowledge I helped lots of my friends to fix their computer problems. Who said information from the internet are hardly reliable?

2. I might sound like a noob for computer experts and programmers but with the internet I learned how to build my own custom fighting games by using MUGEN engine by Elecbyte. You can customize everything with this engine. How many thousand characters would you like? Hundreds? You can even have thousands if you want to and crap your pants. You can customize the music, backgrounds, characters, lifebar designs, sprites and sparks, everything. You can pit Guilty Gear characters with Sailormoon girls in battle if you want to. Serious shit. It was totally addictive. I was a MUGEN enthusiast for about a year and I still keep my private custom MUGEN until now. I didn't create characters though because back then I was very noob.

3. When I was studying back in Selangor, I bought a PSP. As usual I will not let any gadget I bought left without thorough exploration. With the internet again, I learned about custom firmwares, Pandora batteries, Pandora stick, custom plugins and custom themes, I learned how to crack, downgrade and restore PSP firmwares, bypass encryption with .tiff image etc etc. Ask me anything about PSP hacks, firmware versions, I'll be delightful to answer. Then, I had this friend in Shah Alam who owned a game shop, I offered to do PSP services for his customers. Via Mudah.com I advertised my service around Klang, KL, Shah Alam and anywhere in Selangor. In 3 months, I gained clean profit for about RM2k with zero cost. LOL THIS IS ACTUALLY PIRACY but we're in Malaysia and Malaysia is the king among pirates! I still remember a customer from Terengganu sending me a PSP in Kopi Janda box with crumpled newspapers. He sent it via Nationwide without any insurance! God bless you I am not a scammer!

4. It's a shame though, since I don't have any basics in programming or knowledge in any programming language except for DOS commands, I cannot write any program simply because I am a noob. Not even C+ or Lua. But with the internet I learned how to do cheap tricks like decompiling a program and renaming or changing some of its menu items up to my liking. Or using readily available programs to crack Windows password. Or using Bart PE to bypass Windows protection and do prank on people (usually I use it to remove persistent viruses or emergency backup if the virus is such a motherfucker). Or using phising page or keyloggers totally for fun. All of these might sound cool if we can use it but IT IS TOO FUCKING SAD if we can't write any of these programs by ourselves. Yes?

5. Via the internet too I downloaded gazillions of ridiculous .pdf guides, manuals, self-help books, tutorials, and tons of stuffs people don't want to read. Books are expensive and I buy real books only on certain circumstances, say, if the story is really good, random joke books or I can't find the leaked pdf version. Honestly I'm telling you, most of the time reading these kinds of reading materials is waay more interesting than reading my academic books. I used to read a lot when I was a kid but during secondary school this habit gradually faded -.- so when I get older I guess this is kind of a complex.

Well actually if I want to write everything that I learned from the internet I think I'm going to bore you or I might drool on the keyboard. And I have not tell you how I learned about porn yet. At the moment my current internet addiction is learning the curves in Photoshop. I made a few crappy edits with my photos so I can have imaginary superpowers LOL. But hey, at least I'm maximizing the internet for learning purpose, right? So please don't be dumbfucks and generalize that THE INTERNET IS BAD YAWW. I love the internet and I treasure Google though it's so fucking scary since Google is too good and efficient. Oh, you can check Google corporate philosophy here. It touched my heart personally. I hope it's true and sincere.

Have you heard the proverb '"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime"?

I thought of a twist for that, "Teach a boy about Science and English, he'll be scientist and linguist. Teach a boy how to Google he'll know everything". Well not really. It's exaggerated, yes. That's why we still need teachers. Hahaha

What I would tell Google if she's a girl.

My Destiny

According to the internet, this is my destiny:

What's your destiny? DISCOVER now!


My other stupid destinies:

Long John Woman invading god? WTF?

Cool enough. I'm gonna slay Poland yaww

I LOLed at this nonsense

This is so fucking cool.

I am captain saurus RRRAHHH

Heroic Anon FTW

Err...

I don't fear AIDS. I have sex with AIDS. Not even Chuck Norris could do that.

Sauce: k233

Kristina Svechinskaya

Kristina Svechinskaya

Right, her name is a real tongue twister. Till this moment, I still have no clue how to pronounce her name correctly. Let's just call her Kristina.

Obviously from this picture, I bet it's easy to guess that this babe is a Russian. Only Russians have such name pattern. Rrright rreaderski? So who'z this hot ladyski? (read with accent and intonation)

A. Russian model

B. Russian pornstar

C. Stalin's descendant

D. Russian hacker

The answer is D. She's among the 37 people charged for participating in an Eastern Europe-based bank hacking scheme in which 3 million was siphoned! Kristin is still a student studying at New York college and now she's on trial. How sexy is that? As long as it's not your money.

My point here is, this lady is super-duper-fucking-hot for several reasons.

#First, because she's a Russian and I have a thing for actress with Russian accent. 

#Second, because she's a hacker and that automatically add 9000 points to her sexiness.

#Third, she's on trial for cyber crime and that is an uber cool way to go to jail.

#Fourth, she's considerably and provenly intelligent and that automatically puts her to A+ list.

#Fifth, based on this case I bet she's fun and crazy.

#Sixth, just look at her picture LOL

She used Trojan to extract other people's account information via email. I forgot what's the name of the virus that her hacker team used. But it's not that impressive because the she used the virus as email attachment and that require a very IT illiterate dumbshit to fall for that. I'm not so impressed but she's still sexy though.

Kristina, please marry me! But don't steal my money. I don't do MLM, I'm a poor student.

Eh, but it's a lot that better than our local MLM, yes? At least she's intelligent and fun and crazy and she's got skills. At least the hacking scheme required true efforts despite of the intention. Hahahaha

*Correction: She's not actually a hacker. She's just a voluntary mule used by hackers, so she created a few bank accounts with fake names for money transfer. She got 10% profit from her cooperation. WHAT A BUMMER

Source: Picture New York Mag

More of her pictures

Rawwrr

I wanna push her down the fountain and run merrily

So uncool. Lame.

Google is God

Wait, don't lash your religious scornful wraths at me yet. I am a Muslim and I'm a proud believer, despite of my failure in being a truly faithful practitioner, for I am merely human just like you.

Recently in my previous post I've mentioned about how Google is called God of the internet and surprisingly, there's a church for people who held to this belief that Google can be considered as omniscient being. I stumbled upon this term sometime ago, because I myself was astonished by the efficiency of Google. Gone were the days when I was still using Yahoo and other search engines. Do you know that if you use Yahoo as your search engine it resembles your limited knowledge about technology?

I am not sure if this cult is some kind of joke or completely theoretical. I'm sure you know about the Church of Scientology, right?

So below are some proofs they stated in supporting their belief that Google is God.

*************************


PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

PROOF #2

Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

PROOF #3

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

PROOF #4

Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.

PROOF #5

Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.

PROOF #6

Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

PROOF #7

Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.

PROOF #8

According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods".

» PROOF #9

Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.

****************************

These characteristics of Google that they mention are mostly true. Google search engine really is that effective if you learn the tricks. Google company really is that powerful. Now we have Google Maps, Google Books, Google News, Google Desktop.. etc. All of these are totally free and they offer excellent functionality.

Google also had taken over Youtube and Blogger. I think there are more but these two are significant to me. Google built its own browser, Chrome which I am currently using to write this post. Chrome is a lot more stable compared to Firefox, except for add-ons and plug-ins support. I've heard too in the near future Google is going to introduce its own OS!! How awesome is that? I love Google more than my imaginary girlfriend.

But still Google is not perfect. Hahaha

How many times have you tried searching for something else and than Google suggested something not even close to that? Some examples:

Google loves Dr. Phil so much I bet.

That's exactly what I was looking for!! Thanks!! XD

Err... Identity crisis, Mr. G? You're despising yourself.

Google is actually racist. LOL!!

Disclaimer: The pictures shown above are not necessarily true and accurate. Especially because Google improves at blazing speed.

In my personal opinion, their idea that Google is God is nothing more than a joke. A brilliant joke that is. You have to admit that Google is now a large part of the internet. I discovered most of the hidden and dark and blue areas of the internet because of Google! I'm sure more than 80% of you reading this post now are using Google. Don't lie to me you Google worshipers! Hahahaha

In conclusion, Google really is a powerful tool. You can find lots of useful and free PDF books out there on how to exploit Google's potential. So like we've always said, go Google it!

Source: Googlism

Semut

Aku paling benci

bila semut masuk dalam gelas aku

masa aku buat air oren!

Damn you!

Surat Khabar Bodoh - Aidid VS AC lagi

Ahoy, post berkaitan lagi. Aku patut berhenti menulis pasal benda ni tapi kali ni aku terpaksa. Kebodohan ini tidak dapat dibendung lagi.

Siapa-siapa yang tengah baca post ini, selalu baca Harian Metro dan rasa Harian Metro itu betul, sila berambus sekarang. Ini berita paling buduh dan jahanam dan langsat sekali pernah aku baca (walaupun kebanyakan berita Harian Metro memang propaganda dan hiperbola tapi ini yang paling dahsyat).

Kebuduhan Satu (link berita asal)

Kebuduhan Dua (link berita asal)

Kalau betul pun kau mahu popularkan berita kau, buat berita hot-hot yang buat orang horny mahu baca, tapi kalau macam ni agak melampau la, babi betul. Contohnya, tengok statement ini;

“Polis bagaimanapun tetap memberi perhatian terhadap sebarang bentuk ancaman atau ugutan bunuh yang boleh membahayakan nyawa artis terbabit,” katanya ketika dihubungi, semalam.


Bunuh? Hah? Bunuh? Ugutan? Sejak huru-hara ni start dan jadi semakin panas beberapa hari ni aku follow blog encik Aidid dan juga page "Say No To MLM" dekat Facebook. Seingat aku, tidak pernah sekalipun Aidid cakap dia mahu sembelih AC Mizal mahupun rakan-rakan seperjuangan beliau yang kaki kipas itu. Oh btw Aidid memang pernah cakap 'sembelih', ini ayat penuh beliau;

"Dah lebih 40 tahun manusia dah sampai ke bulan, yang orang Melayu kat Malaysia sebok jual gelang magik alternate universe. Dapat jualan berjuta ringgit pulak tu. Jual gelang cikai yang hanya dapat memberi "placebo-effect' kepada pemakainya. Placebo... tarak guna! Bila la benda macam ni nak berakhir dalam masyarakat kita? Orang Melayu tu sendiri kelentong orang Melayu lain, untuk mengayakan diri sendiri, daripada duit masyarakat Melayu tu jugak. Elok sembelih aje kut..."


Cuba kau baca ayat ni seribu kali. Ada rasa terancam nyawa kau? Ada ka? Kalau aku la, sikit pun aku tidak rasa terancam dengan ayat ni, lain la kalau aku memang ada menipu dan buat salah. So why so serious bro? Ada tiga kemungkinan di sini;

Samaada sang pelapor itu gagal sastera atau Bahasa Melayu sekaligus

atau

Polis yang ambil laporan itu pekak badak atau gagal dalam penulisan Bahasa Melayu

atau

Harian Metro belajar terlampau banyak dengan Shakespeare sampai hiberbola jadi ultrabola


Kalau kau mahu menipu pun, fikirlah sejuta kali. Bukan semua orang ignorant cuma tahu baca berita dekat suratkhabar yang makin mengarut merapuk meraban sekarang ni. Beberapa hari ni kebetulan aku follow hampir semua post encik Aidid tu. Aku bukan backup dia, tapi kalau kau mahu buat tuduhan tidak berotak gitu itu sudah melangkaui batas kedunguan media.

Apa yang Aidid tulis (dari pemerhatian aku), bukan buta-tuli tulis tapi based on fakta dan bukti. Apa yang dia tulis jadi berasas pasal dia ada reference. ACK terang-terang copy testimonial dari website lain dan tukar nama. Bukankah itu bukti malas dan bodoh? Kau cakap dia reka-reka semua benda tu dan semua tu tuduhan pasal dengki? Mari sini aku tanya dan kau jawab guna kepala otak kau.

Kalau betul dia menipu pasal Neodymium tu magnet yang murah dan reka sendiri entri tu, kenapa entri tu sudah lama wujud dalam Wikipedia? Mungkin Wikipedia kurang credible, kau dipersilakan untuk check Britannica dan bagitahu aku nanti okeh.

Kalau betul dia reka-reka website China yang ada jual gelang magnet yang serupa dengan produk ACK kenapa website China tu lagi awal pulak wujud? Lagipun mereka gila ka dia mahu menyusahkan diri pegi buat website semata-mata untuk fitnah AC? Kau ingat dia dapat untung? Mereka gila atau biul?

Kalau betul testimonial- Kejap, adakah mereka bangang? Mana la mungkin testimonial yang ada dekat website yang wujud lagi awal dari ACK boleh copy pulak testimonial diorang dari ACK? Apa kau ingat dunia ini sci-fi dan kita ada time-paradox? Adakah mereka ingat Google itu boleh ditipu dengan mudah? Google is called God of the internet for particular reasons you see. Oh jangan lihat itu dari sudut agama okeh. Kau tidak akan boleh mengubah timestamp kewujudan website ikut kepala lutut kau.

Harian Metro ialah suratkhabar bodoh untuk manusia-manusia yang gila hiburan, lurus bendul dan gila berita sensasi palsu. Gila. Sekian terima kasih. Bacalah Google News untuk kebaikan poket anda dan evolusi otak yang tidak statik.

Anti Warisan Merdeka Mega Tower Parody

What do you think about the recent proposal for 100 storey Mega Tower? Here's a guy with creativity and great sense of humour.

Part 1

My favorite part is Saiful's appearance.

Part 2



Part 3 will be here soon.



Source: Baik Punya

Aidid Muaddib VS AC Mizal

The Ultimate Battle Ensues! Aidid VS AC!

 I know, lately my posts were a lot about MLM schemes. In fact at this moment I am supposed to be doing my second chapter of mini-thesis. Why do I bother writing about this when my future is at stake?

These few days I've been reading a lot of materials related to MLM. I just can't get enough, the more I read about it the harder it was for me to stop reading. Really, it baffled me to discover the degree of stupidity people can fall into.

This is a statement, I've never joined any MLM business so I have no reason to unleash my wrath to AC Mizal or any MLM freak, unless they meddle with my life and force me to join. Though once my friends did ask me to join, but they were not that persistent.

However, it's rather embarrassing to tell that I did buy a magnetic bracelet once ago. That was before AC 'betrayed' E-Dymium and founded AC Konsortium. I bought a magnetic bracelet from E-Dymium for RM238 if I'm not mistaken. Embarrassing now, isn't it, now that I read lots of plausible facts about its unproven benefits to health?

To save me from further embarrassment, the reason I bought the bracelet was totally not because of the marketing plan or income, but rather its placebo effects to health. I did try some of the tricks they showed in convincing buyers. Hell, it worked, I did ask my friends to push me down, before and after I wore that bracelet. There was definitely difference though I'm not sure whether it was placebo or real.

The thing is, that's the only criteria that is real about the bracelet. Other healthy benefits? I still smoke like a motherfucker, my skin is still not that smooth and I can still fall sick from time to time. What cuntery is that?

It's a shame, but I'm proud to say that I did try its effectiveness, so you can't tell me I'm accusing blindly. The magnetic bracelet is a fraud. E-Dymium or AC bracelets, both were made with the same kind of magnet, neodymium, the strongest known type of permanent magnet. Wait, permanent? So it must be good! Not that fast you dingbat, read on. Neodymium is widely used for that cheap magic magnet rings, hard disk drives, speakers, and also the drive motor of Toyota Prius! Isn't that fucking wonderful?

I wrote the title as 'Aidid Muaddib VS AC Mizal" just like Pokemon match. Why the title? Here I would like to tell you that between these two strangers, Aidid is more of a stranger to me. Before all these uproars on Facebook about AC, I didn't even know that this guy exists. Yet, at the moment I can honestly tell you that I trust his facts more than AC's horseshits.

I trusted the former guy because of simple factors.

I believe in the notion that money comes from hard work. Hard work is not necessarily that kind of work which you have to work your ass doing labor and breaking your back bone. Hard work in this context means something that requires you ability, either by using your brain or your physical abilities, with good intention. In most MLM business the most important skill is talking and convincing people for your OWN good, while people on the top hierarchy laughing and partying with your money.

I don't believe that anyone in this world is kind enough to give you a large amount of money solely for good intention. Nothing is free but stupidity and gullibility. I'm not denying the existence of this kind of good fellows, but they are especially not the ones you saw holding GIANT cheques on TV, neither those bastards who're proudly showing off their expensive exotic cars and their stupid money fans. Not these dipshits. Have you seen Donald trump proudly fanning himself with dollar bills? Never did I yet he is filthy rich. You think this kind of money crazy fanatics really care if you fail? Guess again.

If people are really this good hearted, there won't be people dying from hunger in this world, there won't be beggars pleading for money, there won't be abortions - We'll live merrily ever after and then go to heaven. Hell will be cold and empty.

Why are we so crazy to use this kind of shortcut to be rich? Are we really that powerless and talentless? What's with the slogan "Duduk diam boleh dapat duit?" that most MLM peeps were so proud about? This is the silliest, most ridiculous of cuntery I've ever heard. Even as a lazy person this is just beyond me. Just by sitting on your chair reading dumbshit useless stuffs, watching stupid reality shows on TV and joining quick rich schemes on the internet, you expect to be rich? How about working your ass to the top and be rich with your own sweat? How about working your brain to do stuffs? How about trying out new things? There're so many cool ways of not going to school or having proper education then becoming rich but MLM is the lamest way you could ever choose. At least be creative, invent a pyramid scheme, con people and be on top! As dirty as it may sound you're still a genius motherfucker compared to those suckers who followed and trusted you.

But more and more people are blinded and we're subconsciously taught that money matters, money matters the most. Money became something that 'matters' rather than 'necessary'.

When you are rich most of the time you will not flaunt it. But then if you really want to flaunt it, make sure you are so filthy-fucking-rich, with something you properly and truly own, not by flaunting cash (which is probably not yours) and your dreadfully loaned cars.

Let's see who's gonna win this battle! Hellyeah!

p/s: What is cuntery? Here.

To The Limbo

the world is but a dream you see
that we sometimes escape to temporary tiny worlds of perfection, of delusions
mortal shelters for a slumber we can't wake from

-life is but an endless chase

to a dumb conclusion
the pathetic end - leaving nothing but names, fleshes and dusts

so come baby come with me
to the limbo we'll be
we'll be silly, we'll be merry
we'll live forever, for eternity

there everything you see is but perfection
there you can dismiss all delusions

so come baby come with me
to the limbo we'll be.

Tribute to "Inception" by Christopher Nolan