Friday, November 12, 2010

Google is God

Wait, don't lash your religious scornful wraths at me yet. I am a Muslim and I'm a proud believer, despite of my failure in being a truly faithful practitioner, for I am merely human just like you.

Recently in my previous post I've mentioned about how Google is called God of the internet and surprisingly, there's a church for people who held to this belief that Google can be considered as omniscient being. I stumbled upon this term sometime ago, because I myself was astonished by the efficiency of Google. Gone were the days when I was still using Yahoo and other search engines. Do you know that if you use Yahoo as your search engine it resembles your limited knowledge about technology?

I am not sure if this cult is some kind of joke or completely theoretical. I'm sure you know about the Church of Scientology, right?

So below are some proofs they stated in supporting their belief that Google is God.



Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.


Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.


Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.


Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.


Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.


Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".


Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.


According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods".

» PROOF #9

Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.


These characteristics of Google that they mention are mostly true. Google search engine really is that effective if you learn the tricks. Google company really is that powerful. Now we have Google Maps, Google Books, Google News, Google Desktop.. etc. All of these are totally free and they offer excellent functionality.

Google also had taken over Youtube and Blogger. I think there are more but these two are significant to me. Google built its own browser, Chrome which I am currently using to write this post. Chrome is a lot more stable compared to Firefox, except for add-ons and plug-ins support. I've heard too in the near future Google is going to introduce its own OS!! How awesome is that? I love Google more than my imaginary girlfriend.

But still Google is not perfect. Hahaha

How many times have you tried searching for something else and than Google suggested something not even close to that? Some examples:

Google loves Dr. Phil so much I bet.

That's exactly what I was looking for!! Thanks!! XD

Err... Identity crisis, Mr. G? You're despising yourself.

Google is actually racist. LOL!!
Disclaimer: The pictures shown above are not necessarily true and accurate. Especially because Google improves at blazing speed.

In my personal opinion, their idea that Google is God is nothing more than a joke. A brilliant joke that is. You have to admit that Google is now a large part of the internet. I discovered most of the hidden and dark and blue areas of the internet because of Google! I'm sure more than 80% of you reading this post now are using Google. Don't lie to me you Google worshipers! Hahahaha

In conclusion, Google really is a powerful tool. You can find lots of useful and free PDF books out there on how to exploit Google's potential. So like we've always said, go Google it!

Source: Googlism


una berry said...[Reply]

Google failed to answer my Q abt who's my next hubby gonna be
nice one bro!

Anonymous said...[Reply]

Great ideas. Definitely going to quote some for my next part. ;)

Noticed that some of ur entry share similar issues or interest as mine. (Although I'm the newbie guy ^^). Tech issues? (Self employed CC owner) Education industry summore? (Resigned Sir)

OMG I found my soul "blogger" mate. (Read in a non fag kind of way)LOL

Merissa K. said...[Reply]

Proof #8 made me LOL!

Good job in finding these proofs! And i bet that you got there via google too, didnt you?


Valossa Vicious said...[Reply]


Neither did I. I asked Google to find meself a goowd galfriend but he failed. Daymn you Google. Hahaha!


I'm a newbie too. Just started blogging by the end of 2009.
Cool! You own a CC?? That's sorta like my dream.

You're officially my soulmate. In a non faggy way LOL


You bet! Hahaha You got me, Google worshipper!