Wednesday, April 6, 2011

BAH DUM TISH!

These are some Bah Dum Tish jokes I found from of course... The internet. -.- What is Bah Dum Tish jokes you ask me? They are mostly tasteless, politically incorrect, rude, morbid, sexist and they could be racist. They are essentially a bad choice of a joke to share with your friends or fellow neighbors during your tea time. And if you find yourself laughing after reading them, you should consider seeing a psychiatrist because you might either be a: basement dweller; murderer; racist; zombie; or pedophile.


1. A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. "What the hell are you two doing?" He screams. "See, I told you he was stupid," says the wife to the other man. BAHDUM TISH!

2. Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? BAHDUM TISH!

3. What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage. BAHDUM TISH!

4. What's Mary short for? She's got no legs. BAHDUM TISH!

5. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. BAHDUM TISH!

6. I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me. BAHDUM TISH!

7. There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". BAHDUM TISH!

8. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. BAHDUM TISH!

9. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? BAHDUM TISH!

10. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? BAHDUM TISH!

11. Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you. BAHDUM TISH!

12. Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day! BAHDUM TISH!

13. They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. BAHDUM TISH!

14. Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."BAHDUM TISH!

15. What do you call an anorexic chick with yeast infection??? Quarter pound with cheese BAHDUM TISH!

16. If you rape a prostitute, is it really rape or is it shoplifting? BAHDUM TISH!

17. What would you call Fred Flintstone if he was black? A nigger! BAHDUM TISH!

18. What's the best part of having sex with a 12 year old girl in the shower? If you pull her hair back she looks like an 8 year old girl! BAHDUM TISH!

19. Why don't Muslim's eat at McDonalds? 'Cause the burkas are better at Hungry Jacks! BAHDUM TISH!

The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus Episode 2

After long, Hanis Manis woke from her deep slumber. Her eyes wide awake, gazing at the horizon of the illogical realm of The World. She hurled that little table she sat under in her slumber--to the boundaries of the logical and illogical realms.

Within the boundaries, cursed souls were writhing for absolution for they were trapped in between life and death due to their immortality. Who says being unable to feel saves you from suffering? [Refer to the logics of The World in Episode 1]

Hanis knew, it is not the matter of responsibility or obligation. Killing The Knight in Shining Armor is selfishly her personal interests. Never did she gave a damn to the dwellers of The World. As immortal as they were, they were deader than death itself--what is a life without a purpose? Nevertheless, The Knight must be dead, for he was the last threat to the existence of The World, the only thing that mattered to Hanis.

"After I kill that bastard, I will keep Morpheus in the infinite Void-- Hahahahah! His consciousness will be no more!" Hanis told herself.

About Morpheus


Here lies the truth. Hanis may had killed Morpheus, but death is not the accurate description to explain his condition. In fact, Morpheus is still alive and kicking, but only in another realm of consciousness between the real world and The World-- a place that never was, the land of dreamers that is different from the realm of The World which was accidentally formed. Hell, how can you kill something that doesn't exist?

The concept is simple. Much like the order of cosmos, you can never overwrite the same condition or composition to an object that is subject to the very same condition. In the case of Morpheus, an ambiguous nonexistence; it is not possible to overwrite erase his existence a.k.a. killing him because he does not exist. Much like feelings and emotions, they don't have to take the forms of existence but they are simply there.

How could Hanis "murder" Morpheus in the first place? The answer lies in her very own nature. Due to her abnormally developed imagination, she developed several layers of consciousness that transcend the limits of most human beings. It did not take her that long to finally encounter Morpheus in the deepest layer of consciousness.

Well, perhaps Morpheus was way too busy constructing dreams for humans, he didn't notice her. Or maybe he didn't care. This was never revealed until the end.

About Morpheus ends.


Thanks to the disrupted logic, Hanis was able to float herself in the air. She thrust speedily to The Knight in Shining Armor. Her thoughts raced with questions and disgusts. Back in the now fucked up reality, she used to know the Knight in Shining Armor. She used to know the person beneath that silver helmet very well, it scared her to imagine what to happen soon.

Anyway!

Hanis decided to drop by an old mansion for a few drinks, just to chill out before that fateful encounter. Thus she met Eszol, a merman who worked as a maid in that grand mansion possessed by an elegant countess, Larasephia. Being a merman working as maid, a peculiar mixture of existence and occupation, Eszol was often known as Mer-Maid-an. Whatever the hell that means.

Eszol made a terrible mistake. He pissed Hanis off by accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on her favourite pair of jeans (since that was the only pair of jeans she ever bought). Driven by anger fueled with rage, she mercilessly choked him to death and mutilated him to unrecognizable pieces of sashimi--and fed them to the inhabitants of the nearby town. Larasephia felt really glad and said,

"Thank God, I was really at loss trying to think of alibis. I sure could use a new maid!"

Hanis Manis was ready to depart till Larasephia reminded her,
"Dude, your pants!" Hanis had no choice but to borrow Larasephia's for she was late. Off she went.

Finally, the fateful encounter ensued. Hanis stood fearlessly facing The Knight, who was bored beyond redemption waiting for her.

Hanis spoke first to break the awkward silence,
"So you think being a knight will absolve you from your sins?"

The Knight answered,
"If absolution was my reason, I would never bother to be here. I would be with the rest of the dwellers of The World, not knowing a single fuck of your scheme! What is sin in your eyes and what is sin the Creator's eyes? I don't bother, as long as I am content about the world as I know it! I don't need absolution, I don't give shit to your judgement. I am here protecting these remnants of logics so I can return to who I was! If I was a sinner and that made me happy and it will make me happy again, SO BE IT!"

Shocked by his statement, Hanis said,
"You speak too much. I should have killed you back in the real world, you bastard! But... What can I do? I don't think I can do this. Your existence... Your voice... Even that bloody egoistic and selfish fuck of you, why am I still in love with you? Why can't you just die... By your own hands..."

He replied,
"Because I matter, more than I think of anyone. And that's enough reason for me. I don't need justice to prove anything. Morpheus will never die, Hanis. Unless you can kill me. HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!"

And with that, The Knight vanished from the scene with the remnants of logics, leaving Hanis, collapsed on her knees.

There is a loophole, despite of the reality-defying rules governing The World. Although the illogical nodes and miasma had tainted the the minds of people and devoured most of their logic, emotions, feelings and conscience-- such things never occurred to Hanis. That was the reason she could not bring herself to kill The Knight in Shining Armor.

In order to protect The World longer from the remnants of logics kept by The Knight, Hanis poured all of her consciousness into The World--creating The Void in the process, the place where Morpheus resided. With that action, The World turned to chaos as Hanis had forced Morpheus to enigmatic existence--creating dreams for the dwellers of The World, a reversal process in which dreams were the original reality, the same as the real world. They were dreaming of reality and at the same time living in a surreal realm.

To be continued.

p/s: I thought I wanted to draw the characters but my MSPaint drawing is on the scale of ugly beyond recognition and redemption. So, no thank you very much.


And yes, this time I'm back for real.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A Little Note

5 in the morning and wide awake.

Well, hello there. At last I couldn't resist my impulse to write despite trying my best not to check the dashboard. Given two options, an academic paper and blogging; obviously I dig writing here. In fact I liked it so much it became an addiction--thus dragging the progress of my actual work! That was my reason for hiatus actually. I decided to stop blogging so I can finish my work and end it once and for all.

I don't really fancy writing thesis for two reasons. First, I don't want my hard-written work to be thrown to a filing-cabinet; which more or less is equal to trash bin. It's a bother to explain-- In fact I don't want to repeat myself, explaining about the quality of education even in higher institution. Second, I have this syndrome which I call infinite second-thoughts and ultra ADHD. I can't focus, only when it's about writing thesis--plus the constant 'catch-me-if-you-can' moments. I'm no Frank Abagnale Jr.

And not to forget, the redundancy of writing one.

Actually I've planned so many things to write about in mind. I'd even written them in my notebook. But I had to resist, I have to finish that bloody thing once and for all. Just a little more. But what the hell am I doing here writing an entry??

Anyway.

It's not the right time to return yet but I really miss writing here. Just letting you know (as if it's your concern, heh) that I'm still alive.

Unhappy Tsunami! (not celebrating it)

p/s: I still remember what I promised, it's in my notebook. Hehehe. I'll be back.



Thursday, February 17, 2011

Gaming Rig and Windows 7 64 Bit

So, I've been away after 'The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus' prequel. Worry not for now I am back on track. Actually, I had been playing hide-and-seek with my supervisor of my mini-thesis. It was something like witch-hunting but well, I'm the best when it comes to disappearing. Truth is, academic and conventional writing bore me to death, sometimes I think all those assessment papers I wrote were out of touch with reality. Things we write on academic papers are often idealistic and far-fetched... But then again it's important for our future?

Sometimes I have this thought that I wanna be a hippie and live in the woods with animals and eat the products of nature, away from technology, politics, boring people, and all those worldly bullshit. But then again how can I write once I live in the woods? So automatically the idea is out of question.

Anyway, actually I was gone because I was busy tinkering with my new computer, replacing my old, rundown laptop with the marvel of new hardwares. It had been a few years I left the world of PC gaming because laptop computer is such a flawed device and its upgradability is very limited (save a few brands) so I decided I should wait till the technology gets cheaper. Then voila! RAM, processors and graphic cards are dirt cheap these days!

The specs of the new rig:

CPU: DualCore Intel Core i3 560, 3333 MHz (25 x 133)
GPU: NVIDIA GeForce GTS 450 GDDR5 (1GB)
Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-P55-UD3L  (4 PCI, 1 PCI-E x1, 2 PCI-E x16, 4 DDR3 DIMM, Audio, Gigabit LAN)
RAM: Corsair Value Select VS2GB1333D4 4087 MB  (DDR3-1333 DDR3 SDRAM)
OS: Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate 6.1.7600 (64 Bit)
HDD: Hitachi HDS721050CLA362 ATA Device  (500 GB, 7200 RPM, SATA-II)
Cost: RM 2500++

I know this is pretty boring, unless you're a bit of a geek or planning to buy a new computer. But here's a bit of advice, for those familiar with computer hardwares. I bet it is questionable, why did I choose a dual-core processor, Intel Core i3 560 when I can get quad-core based Core i5 or Core i7, or the cheaper AMD processors. In choosing the best processor for your system, you must have a clear purpose in mind. As for me, my purpose is for gaming and a bit of not-too-intense graphic designing and editing. Thus, a 3.33 Ghz dual-core processor is sufficient enough for me because most games are GPU (Graphic Processing Unit) intensive rather than CPU intensive. While for Adobe Photoshop CS5 which I often use, it doesn't use that much CPU and Core i3 is actually more than enough for moderate Photoshop purpose.

That's why I choose Geforce GTS 450 as my graphic processor, a budget graphic card with considerable performance. It mostly supports Ultra-settings for current games. Oh, and it supports stereoscopic 3D too! *Jakun*

So, unless you plan to use the computer for heavy graphic use or other CPU based processes, stick to cheaper processors. Most games now use only two cores of your CPU, save a few games which are multi-thread based. CPU-wise, applications and programs use more CPU. There are exceptions though, for one, Grand Theft Auto 4 since this game is CPU intensive. It's the only game I can't set to the highest settings at the moment (since I don't plan to overclock the system just yet).

About the operating system. Right now I'm using Windows 7 64 Bit... Which is a really bad decision! I've always been a Forever Alone XP User. Anyway, first, here's a few good things about Window 7 64 Bit edition:

1. Your computer will be able to support more than 4GB of RAM. If you stick to 32-bit system, the maximum memory it can support is 4GB, well actually less than that because the memory is used by BIOS, drivers and other stuff, so approximately for 32-bit system, the maximum RAM it supports is about 3.25 GB. That's quite a loss!

2. More applications are developed for 64-bit systems, so it is considerable for future use.

3. It utilizes your quad-core processors to maximum use. Why buy when you can't use it to its full function?

4. Because Bill Gates say so.

What's bad about Windows 7 64 Bit:

1. Driver supports. Most drivers I used are perfectly usable but say goodbye to your older drivers (You'll need it if you use custom drivers packs).
2. Older games compatibility. Although there is improvised 'Compatibility Mode' by Windows, some older games refuse to run. In my experience, Postal 2 AWP Mod, err actually all Postal 2 games failed to run.
3. Random crashes for some games. Some games which you played on Vista or XP will not work as you expect; such as Crysis or Star Wars The Force unleashed. Some games don't even run or run with low FPS.
4. 64-bit doesn't always mean faster performance. Since some applications were specifically build for 32-bit system, using them in a 64-bit system actually makes them a bit slower.
5. Slower on low-specs computer. Don't even try if you have less than 2GB RAM. It's plain stupid, even if you can make it fast by turning of Windows services.

So, as a conclusion, I'm installing Windows 7 32-bit this weekend. 64-bit is okay but it's not the right time yet. At least until more applications and games need it, I'll stick with 32-bit system. In fact, I'm gonna install Windows XP SP3 to the other partition (dual boot) so I can use older applications and run older games.

Like I said, I'm Windows XP Forever Alone guy.

I'm sure I bored you guys to death now, yes? That's all for my occasional geek-rants.

Gigabyte Geforce 450 1GB GDDR5

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus Episode 1

 Now listen, I'm going to tell you about this traveler named Ms Hanis. No folks, this is not your typical fairy tale. Ms. Hanis is not your usual, everyday traveler who's short on cash. She traveled so far away she transcended both reality and dreams - to the land beyond the two extremes - of nothingness, even.

Living up her name, she was the first person who is able to murder Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, destroying the boundaries of real and unreal. What is real now? What is real then? As a result, The World emerged, which you will understand more later on.

The balance of nature is disturbed. Since the boundaries of real and unreal are no more, no one is able to die. The world scornfully blamed Ms. Hanis, but she is nowhere to be found. Heck, even if they wanted to, the mechanism of logic doesn't quite work anymore, enabling her to escape capture. Illogicality is so apparent the world is thrown into a bizarre form of chaos. No folks, you can't imagine that by your limited, realistic logic, the logic of The World is different than your logic because it is both logic and illogic. Yes, there is a few logics identified in The World.

Logics of The World:

1. No one can die in this world, yet they are not immortal.

2. Pain is minimal in every occurrence of injury, but the wound inflicted is ten-fold. Say, if you accidentally step on a thumbtack, you will lose your toe.

3. Life is no more appreciated since everyone can't die. So The World's defense mechanism (partly affected by Ms. Hanis emotion) reacted by inventing newer means to control population. This is done by erasing one's existence once their birth date is known by more than 99 people. So in The World, nobody knows each other's birthday.

4. Weather, seasons, disaster, and temperature are affected by Ms. Hanis emotions. When she's confused, the wind turns to whirlwind. Once she feels sad, the day becomes cloudy - the usual cliche. When she laughs, parts of The World shakes with tremor. Natural disaster is called Hanis Disaster in The World.

5. In this world, love is overrated, boring and lame since love is now perfect and flawless. The first two people who fell in love since The World's emergence, are dead now due to prolonged boredom. There's nothing to fight and argue about once any person falls in love with another. Curiously, people out of relationships can still argue as the usual. Thus, the only way to be able to love in The World is to love your own self in narcissistic fashion.

Actually there are more logics concerning The World, but we will look more on that later. The catch is, the logics do not always apply and similar to weather and The World's defense mechanism, logics are also affected by Ms. Hanis emotions.
Chairs in the world looks like this! See the chair in different perspective. (Pinjam gambar jap, Hanis)
Now, what was Ms. Hanis' reason for murdering Morpheus. Actually, there was no reason, just because and that's the running joke in The World. Everybody in The World agreed that is the funniest joke they had ever heard, but the joke cannot be told or else they will grow old. Remember, the mechanism of logic is severely disturbed - funny and unfunny is now just a thin line.

By the way, Ms. Hanis is not dead after her disappearance. Remember, no one is able to die, but since Ms. Hanis is the source of the illogical-logical chaos, she is able to die, but she did not. Right at this very moment, she is on her way to the The Fortress of Logics, seeking for the insignificant black chest which contained the remnants of the original logic left in the world. Really, those little remnants of logic bothered her to no end. Her goal is to totally eradicate logics, once and for all.

The problem is, the fortress is guarded by The Knight in Shining Armor; the only person who was able to withstand the influence of The World and understand true immortality. He persevered because of his strong attachment to machismo and sexism. How is that possible? Remember again, logic is disturbed but not totally eradicated.

Ms. Hanis sits alone under an awkwardly small table, doing the countdown before her final encounter with The Knight in Shining Armor. Why the small table when she could have chosen a larger table? Well, The World decides that since he (The World) thinks it is cuter to sit under a small table.

To be continued--


This fiction is a tribute to Hanis Manis for her entry featuring Mr. Val.


Picture credit: Candy and Some Grass

Monday, February 7, 2011

Cacamarba

Oleh kerana situasi kewangan yang kian meruncing akibat ketidaktelusan dalam pengurusan, juga kerana cuti raya orang Cina, aku balik ke rumah untuk menghabiskan beras. Juga kerana internet bukan benda yang penting di rumah aku, maka blog ini secara tidak sengaja telah mengalami status raya Cina juga.

Selamat Tahun Baru Cina, by the way. Sudahkah anda memakan limau Mandarin sehingga keracunan vitamin C? Jika belum berkesempatan, teruskan lagi.

Semasa sibuk mengunyah limau Mandarin mataku ralit menumpu pada kaca televisyen.

Semasa orang disini ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi mercun dan dam-dam-dum bunyi gendang tarian singa, orang disitu ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi letupan trak, balai polis, kenderaan awam dan peledak buatan tangan.

Semasa orang disini ceria dengan hiruk-pikuk tawa gembira sempena perayaan yang setahun sekali tiba, orang disana mungkin ceria juga dengan hiruk-pikuk jeritan revolusi, mencari arah untuk pengakhiran kukubesi yang tak kunjung tiba. 30 tahun, 30 tahun Hosni Mubarak.

Kukubesi? Mungkin tidak kukubesi bagi sesetengah. Tapi kukubesi juga tidak selalu bermaksud fizikal. Kukubesi kadang-kadang sesuatu yang tidak ternampak pada mata kasar tapi bertindak melalui jaringan halus yang dipanggil birokrasi, juga demokrasi. Ah apapun semua orang mahu menjadi kaya dan berkuasa, tidak begitu?

Malang, bagi sesiapa yang berada di tempat yang salah dan waktu yang salah. Malang, kerana semua itu tidak dirancang tapi itukan aturan dunia? Siapa yang dapat meramal revolusi? Bukan Tunisia yang harus dituding jari telunjuk, kerana hati yang membara itu seperti suis lampu yang menunggu untuk dipetik. Nah sekarang ia sudah menyala, bukan seperti lampu kalimantang tapi seperti lampu minyak tanah yang sudah melimpah.

Revolusi itu tidak selalu indah. Perubahan itu tidak selalunya nikmat, tidak juga selalunya baik, dan tidak juga selalunya berhasil dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri manusia itu mahu berubah kerana jika tidak itu bukan manusia, tapi cimpanzi. Maka tercetuslah revolusi. Revolusi itu perlu, kerana manusia itu cacamarba, kerana manusia itu tidak mampu untuk menampung kuasa, tidak mampu untuk menampung nafsu.

Revolusi itu kadang tak terbayar harganya. Dan lebih selalu dari tidak revolusi itu dibayar dengan darah. Kejamnya realiti, revolusi tidak akan selalu menepati janjinya untuk membawa sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri membuat ianya perlu, sama seperti keperluan untuk menukar kasut yang sudah menampakkan ibu jari kakimu tersenyum (melainkan kau suka ibu jarimu tersenyum).

Buku yang kita pernah baca kadang-kadang berkata, manusia itu sama tarafnya, semua punya suara, semua berdiri di tanah yang sama tinggi, sama rendah. Tapi benarkah? Jika begitu mengapa ada manusia yang terpaksa men-dam-dam-dum-kan dirinya dengan bom tangan hanya kerana mahu suaranya didengar? Tidak cukup lantangkah suaranya meraung? Tidak cukup nyatakah kewujudannya sebagai seorang yang punya jasad bernyawa?

Hairan, dunia itu cacamarba. Mungkin kerana itulah kadang-kadang berita dunia itu lebih jenaka dari rancangan lawak bodoh di kaca televisyen.

Ini tarian Cha Cha.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Kindness

"LABIS, Jan 28 (Bernama) -- Thirty-six flood victims in Kampung Lembah Bakti, here, received government aid from Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin on Friday.


Muhyiddin, who has been in this state constituency since yesterday, said the government sympathised with the victims and hoped that the aid would help ease their burden.


'We are sympathetic to the plight of the people and we will extend the necessary assistance,' he said at the ceremony at Kampung Lembah Bakti multipurpose hall."  LINK

That is equal to saying,

Dear my Facebook friends, today I saved a really fat cat who was giving birth to 67 little kittens! Hell that was bloody as shit but I saved the cat! Hey I must be the kindest person in the world, don't you think? Now you can't tell me I hate animals and that I like to watch cats being ignited. :)


I believe that true kindness is not to be told. But that's politics.

And that's the kind of kindness I rarely see. Well, how can we see it if it's not told huh? Hahahaha? Hahahaha? How many of us who could actually do that?

Now let's do something good... And keep our mouth shut.

Gloomy Mandarin Lime

[Gloomy Sunday on air]

Years passed by yet my brain refused to process that particular memory into regression. While the Chinese folks delightfully wait for that significant change of numbers, here I am, rewinding those days in repetitive, dull, yet tormenting fashion. Being 20 percent Chinese, I didn't have the chance to understand thoroughly what's the celebration is all about. Regrets are absolutely useless, so are all the pain and embarrassment in the past yet what am I doing here, as if the past is alterable?

So they say we can leave the past but the past never leaves us. I thought that was ridiculous but now it seems so true. I can still remember those beautiful, meaningful days like it was yesterday. The past never did leave me. Sometimes it strikes me deeply how changes are absolutely meaningless, so is existence, as the nihilist said. Nothing is ever meaningful, they say, nothing is fact, because after all we're bound with perspectives. Perspectives, which sometimes some of us impose to others to become truths.

Orange, round, juicy, sweet and occasionally hellishly sour, Mandarin lime is my definition of Chinese New Year. The world is full of insignificant little things, big dirty lies and propaganda and things we will never understand. Mandarin lime, a confirmed trifle but it's one those little happiness we look forward to have at times. But little did I know those little happiness we held dear could turn to nightmare.

Seven days.

Seven days of irregular bowel movement. Seven days of massive diarrhea. Seven days of sleepless nights. Seven days of deadly dehydration. Seven days of sleeping on top of pins and needles.

Too much of a good thing, that was the case. Nothing is ever good when done beyond moderation. So is Vitamin C.

Never, never eat two boxes of Mandarin lime, alone. You can actually have too much of a good thing.

U MAD?

Happy Chinese New Year!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Do You Ever Feel

In case this is relevant to you. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?


Well, do you? HAHAHA

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Demotivation

Dunia ini sudah terlalu ramai pakar motivasi. Semua orang terlalu bermotivasi. Semua orang terlalu bersemangat untuk hidup. Semua orang terlalu berpandangan positif terhadap hidup. Semua orang percaya, toleransi, bermuafakat dan menghormati sesama sendiri. Semua orang terlalu bermotivasi untuk menjadi lebih berjaya, kaya, dan boleh berhari raya dengan wang ringgit.

Sudah terlalu banyak pakar motivasi di dunia ini, itu kataku.

Maka kerana aku dalam kasut yang sangat tidak bermotivasi seminggu dua ini, aku bertekad, aku mahu mengubah dunia yang terlalu positif itu. Apa salahnya ada seorang dua berpandangan negatif dan pesimistik kan? Dunia ini sudah terlalu sempurna dan tiada cacat-celanya, langsung tiada cacamerba karut marut semua itu.

Aku bertekad untuk menjadi pakar demotivasi.


Nanti audiensku akan terdiri dari mereka-mereka yang terlalu bermotivasi, terlalu positif, terlalu yakin dengan hidup mereka, terlalu pasti dengan jalan yang mereka pilih, terlalu bahagia dengan apa yang mereka perolehi walau hanya ala kadar. Nanti akan kuhancurkan, kugenggam sehingga remuk semua harapan dan impian mereka biar berkecai jadi serpihan najis sedih. Biar mereka putus harapan, biar mereka lihat dunia itu dari satu perspektif gelap dan suram. Biar mereka tahu mereka hidup hanya untuk mati.

Tapi wujud satu loophole dalam tekadku ini, bagaimana nanti kalau aku menjadi bermotivasi semasa menjadi pakar demotivasi? Pasti aku akan diludah, dicerca dan diterajang oleh pengikut-pengikut demotivasiku.

Nampaknya tidak senang untuk menjadi pakar demotivasi. Ah sialan, aku demotivasi lagi.


This probably will be a future project which I discussed with my comrade last night. Why can't we have demotivators when when we have motivators? 


p.s: I'm seriously demotivated by the way.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Now I Blog About INTERLOK Too

Since the announcement about the retrieval of the 'cursed' book Interlok on 15th December, I didn't expect it to end there. Today, the 24th of January 2010, the issue about the book is literally getting 'hotter'. Angry citizens are burning the book all over this country, people are getting arrested for voicing out their opinions (via action, by burning book that is). The book was written by Abdullah Hussain, which I'm sure is really devastated at the moment.

To me personally, Abdullah Hussain is a good writer. When I was still a naive and overly-positive young lad, I had read his one of his books entitled 'Masuk Ke Dalam Cahaya'. The book is about the spiritual journey of a man, whose life is falling apart and deviated from the teachings of Islam. As far as I remember, it was inspirational, it is a good mix of reality, religious issues and some mystical elements. 'Real' in the sense that Abdullah Hussain is not afraid to show the ugly side in the life of Muslims, bashing those with 'holier-than-thou' mentality. Being a Muslim is not a free pass for you to justify your wrongdoings and shove your beliefs to other people's throat.

Here's a link to Malaysiakini article which will give you brief understanding about INTERLOK along with some quotations from the book. CLICK HERE

Now, the way I see it, the cause of all these argument and chaos is primarily due to the use of this particular word, pariah and how the author depicted how the Indians first came to Malaya. First, I'd like to apologize to any Indian if that word did offend you, in case you're reading this. Based on my understanding of what's happening in Malaysia's blogsphere and in the news;

1. Some believe there shouldn't too much fuss about the book because it is historical and the book tells about the truth.
2. Some believe the book is demeaning to their race because it used the word pariah, as if trying to depict that all the Indians are pariah a.k.a. outcast.
3. Some say the book is okay because it did mention the Malays are stupid and lazy, the Chinese are swindlers and materialistic, and the Indians are pariah.
4. Some say what really matters is the ultimate purpose of the book, after all the book's ending promotes unity and 1Malaysia.

Actually I believe if you are not an Indian, you don't have the right to 'perceive their perception' about the use of the word pariah. You are not in their shoes therefore you don't have the right to perceive what they feel. Remember, remember, how did the Malays react during the controversy about the use of the word 'Allah' whether it should be used by the Christians? It's just the same song with different chorus. A Muslim might say it matters because it's his religion and insist he's right since he believes other religions are wrong.

It's the same case to the Indians because when the word 'pariah' is used, it is beyond racial slur. Being a pariah means being an outcast. When you are a pariah or the untouchable, your equal right is denied, you are untouchable, you are the lowest of everything from the gutter. In fact, being a pariah is so infectious that anyone from the higher hierarchy will be an outcast too if he/she hangs out too much with them. Being a pariah means you are from the lower caste, you are avoided and despised just because you exist. If you're interested to know more about this word, please click this LINK. The word pariah is really that demeaning.

Then how is it fair that pariah is equal with bodoh, malas, penipu, kencing, busuk and other stereotypes? Why is the Indians getting the worst label? Imagine if some narrow-minded Meleis school kids begin to ridicule their friends with that word?

Then is the book really that bad and written with hidden agenda? I believe it doesn't. The best form of art or a lifetime reminder is to destroy, bash, something to smithereens and then build it back from the ground up. Psychologically it means, before you could learn a lesson of a lifetime, you must fail, you must do mistake, you must suffer, something must go wrong. Only then you will learn, only then you will forever remember your mistake. And I believe that was what Abdullah Hussain's intention, his method is a bit radical, but his intention was good. He wanted to show that concept of unity from different sides.

However, no matter how good the book is for some people (I believe it's good), is it appropriate for Form Five students? How sure are we that a large population of these students are mature enough to handle the book? That is if if they actually read the book lah. Maybe they're more busy to be Mat Rempit and beromen instead. Hahahah! To ridicule their friends with that insulting word is not far from possible you see and some states in this country is known for their intense racial prejudice. Isn't that sad, a book once good is now criticized, burned, stomped on like a cursed book?

Surprisingly Digital Extremes did release a game for XBox, which is kind of related to this issue;

No this is not Photoshopped.

I have no race prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
Mark Twain.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Late Reply

I was on a temporary hiatus after I wrote that entry 'Utter Stupidity' which you can see HERE. After I got back, I didn't immediately write but just lurk around; there was buttload of comments which I hesitated to reply and kind of forgot about it. BAHAHAHA (I laugh in that sudden, loud, and awkward way in real life)

My reply is kind of long so I made an entry out of it. Nothing interesting, you can just skedaddle and skip this entry.


@Miss Hanis

Annoyed the hell out of you didn't it? They're willing to do anything just to score for the headline-- and this surely isn't the first time. It's not like we should ignore the problem, I know it exists, but should they propagate more problems than the actual issue?

@Blood Seeker

Hey, maybe we should direct a localized version of 'The Ring' based on that premise.

@Jude

Digging his own grave? Bahaha Goodie two shoes!

@belle

Just for the hit yaww just for the hit.

@berry

Sure, there's no denying that. Incest is a global problem but that doesn't mean they have the right to fabricate news.

To create problems when there isn't any and ignoring the actual problem in the society.

@Imrahib (intentionally)

Should tabloids be banned then? But it's Malaysian's favorite, just like nasi lemak and teh tarik!

@not cool guy

Yeah. HD now. Who knows in 10 years Astro will actually have porn?

Wait. Porn is already there.

@Larasephia

Ban the tabloid, ban em.

@yamanashi miyuki

Analyse that thoroughly? Excuse me missy, that's not thorough, in fact that's not even an analysis.

There's a high probability that wasn't done by Malaysians in the first place, then why fabricate problems when they can write about ACTUAL problem in this country?

Anyway, this blog is the place where I talk cock, cuss, and let off some steam - in real life, I have my job to make a change, I educate individuals to do good. Never did I tell them "Hey go have sex yaww it's good!"

Wasting time and debating over the news? Well, it's not exactly a debate, but maybe you should do a reality check,

Isn't it redundant to say take actions now and go out of my home when you yourself is WASTING YOUR TIME commenting here? What change did you make so far? In real life, I make changes. Here, I talk cock.

@Peminat Katie Holmes

Exactly.

@Clarky

1. Yep. 90% probability.
2. Oh, homemade? lol
3. Okay, that's true.
4. That's true too.

I was on hiatus. Hahaha

@Sapik

Hidup!!

@Tasha

Plastik kan? Macam orang-orang yang suka lepak blog or sites hiburan then bising-bising "Ish... Gini la anak bangsa kita..." "Ish ish ish... Seksinya..." "Ish ish ish nampak lurah" "Kembalilah ke jalan yang benar."

They must have accidentally teleported to those websites kot. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Absolutely mental and hypocrite.

Perfume

When a guy uses way too much perfume, I think he's gay.

When a girl uses way too much perfume, all I think about is sex.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

He Who Embraced The World

It all began with a simple idea; he wanted to have everything. Whatever he sees possessed by others, he wanted to have it too. Once, he swore he could have killed a kid his age for a toy car his father couldn't afford. That toy car he held in his hand became the first emblem for his later conquests, an obsession beyond greed, a force that drove him alive. To possess just for the sake of possessing, ignoring the consequences of means and ways. To possess was his own brand of recognition he was unfortunate to lack.

And that's not insanity, no. He knew exactly and perfectly what he was doing.

"I believe what I have to believe and what I believe is my own existence and it matters." That was the evolved version of his childhood ideologies. Revolting, self-centric the ideology was, it worked for him and it made him invincible. He was not leashed to the redundant and occasionally hypocritical boundaries of morality. "What's there to conform to when I proudly piss on your norms?" He set his own norms, but he was not a fool, he knew exactly how to walk among people, even when his heart was screaming with disgusts and scorns.

Of course, with the pleasure of material possessions he needed to fill an empty void of his soul, the joy of tender warm flesh, the bosoms of attractive women where he poured his dreary facade. Unlike most men who chose to fall from their pride to the innermost thigh of women, never did he falter, not even once. Emotions and the burden of feelings were something he could effortlessly handle, in almost inhuman manner. Strange as it was, the more he refuse to submit to his inner feelings, the brighter he charmed those unenlightened.

The seemingly eternal cogs moved and alas he had to face the truth. Pride comes before a fall, the five words that shattered the dreams of many men who chose to liberate themselves from conscience. Thus before the foreseeable end, he figured he had to grasp that one last dream he had yet possess. He knew circumstances would not let him of easily but nothing had stopped him before so why should he stop now?


So finally he stood with pride, just a brief moment before his fall,

with a pair of breasts!

THE END.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Mechanics of a Relationship for the Young and Foolish

This is largely based on a male's perception. If somehow it appears misogynistic, feel free to shoot me down.


When everything's said and done, hearts were broken, lost were sweet words but scornful accusations, and not to mention how you realize how difficult it is to change your romance-driven-habits (shocking phone bills, mellow good night wishes, the outings, sex if you're permitted, etc); you will question yourself, "Good God, how the heck did that happen?"

How could something so beautiful end up so dysfunctional which you could barely understand? Heck, you probably don't even know yourself anymore, for months or even years; to solve your identity crisis, the oh so usual quest of 'Breaking the Habit'.

So here's the mechanics of a relationship (and how it falls apart), from what I heard and from what I see. There are five primary phases in the mechanics of relationship, from the beginning till it falls apart.

Phase 01: 'Star Crossed Lovers' (or So They Say)

The phase when everything's so beautiful that you believe that rhinos actually puke rainbow. At this phase, everything looks so perfect, you'll most like care for nothing about the world but the said lover. Suddenly you realize the two of you had so much in common! --To such extent that something that is not your interest is NOW your interest, but you didn't notice that.

At this point you're probably sharing favourite songs, favourite places, favourite this and that. There is a possibility that now you've just discovered the wonder of smilies in texting. The future seems promising and the rhino will continue to perpetually puke rainbow to no end!

Rainbow pukes rainbow. BEAT THAT ULTIMATE HAPPINESS
Phase 02: 'Going Steady'

You figured in order to escalate that happiness to a whole new level, going steady indeed is the right choice. "Nothing will stop us!", "This is the definitely the right thing to do!", oh hail the joy of being young and foolish when you thought the world works in perfect order.

At this phase you're probably doing ridiculous stuff which you will laugh at when you get older; surveying a house which you will live together (not considering you don't have a job yet), combining both of your names for your imaginary children, awkward nicknames which will induce 'pfffttt' among your friends, embarrassing Friendster/Facebook couple photos, stuff like that.

Going steady heyy!
Phase 03: 'A Relationship'

Now you're in. You're officially in a relationship which you hope will last and end as something worth mentioning, not another sappy love song. That depends on you though, whether you plan to move on with marriage later in the future. Some people just do it for the kicks. Hahahahaha

During this phase everything is relatively stable, just as what you expected, at least until you see the big picture. You start to know your partner in greater detail, flaws and pet peeves that you overlook or just ignore because you say you love him/her as for what they are.

If your faith allows you, or if you betray your faith, this phase is when the sex begins to rock way harder.

Star crossed lovers much?

Phase 04: 'The Power Battle' all the way to 'The Eye Opener'

The sub-phase where most relationships deteriorate, 'The Power Battle'. In its most basic form, a relationship is always about maintaining the equilibrium of power. Who calls the shots, who orders food from the menu, who decides the venues for date, who decides what movies to watch, who scores the phone bills; stuff like that.

Then there goes the switching of roles and identity crisis. Both the people in the relationship try really hard to adapt to their partner, trying to be interested in what you don't, saying yes when you actually should say no, doing things you wouldn't normally do, etcetera.

Later on you start to realize, you have no idea who the hell is the person staring at you from the mirror. You were too absorbed in the relationship you've changed so much. But you're so into the relationship you can't get out, there are commitments, there is this ego you want to protect, though at the moment everything begins to deteriorate.

'The Eye Opener' - Now you begin to see all those flaws and pet peeves and they're poking your eyes like poisonous bamboo. Now the world is not that beautiful eh? Now the rhino is puking blood and dirt instead of rainbow. BAH DUM TISH!

ROW ROW FIGHT THA POWAHH

Phase 05: All Hell Breaks Loose

The relationship now has reached its ultimate phase of dysfunction. It's completely dysfunctional, but the good memories you stored in your brain makes you cling on to something that is totally hopeless. You keep telling yourself that things will work again and the constant shouting, blaming, cursing, and bickering will stop. But they don't, instead they get more intense. Now the only passion left about the relationship is all about FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.

And so you wonder, how did I end up with that __________??? Fill in the blank according to your level of hostility and irrationality.

The next phase is intentionally left according to your imagination. It's mostly about 'rediscovery of identity', break up songs, sappy break up poetry, 'I want you back but oh no you don't' phone calls, really bad diet, increased cigarette counts, and other things you can probably list down yourself.

MR. RONERY
The Aftermath

What you will eventually end up as.

In conclusion, relationship is not something you should initiate if you realize you yourself have unresolved issues and identity crisis. Why bother to ruin months or even years of both your and other people's life? But here's an irony:

Only with a really strong thud of banhammer in the head you'll realize your mistakes and achieve self improvement. So go ahead, DO MISTAKES without a tint of regret.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

You'll never know...

...when shit hits the fan.

All of a sudden, all those bad things you were worried about happen one after another. Now, figuratively all the shit is all over your newly decorated walls and on the floor. On your couch too.

Just now, my LCD monitor finally submitted to mortality. It began to lose its once vivid colours and its response time crept painfully, like a dying stray dog desperately struggling with its last breath. All good things will eventually come to end.

Completing the episodes of a terrible new year.

LOL

Actually it's not that dramatic. Damnation, why now when I'm in such a chronic financial state and amidst all these tedious works?

I won't be writing for a while till I fix the LCD. Cheers.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Happy Belated New Year

Oh hi. This blog was abandoned for about two weeks since I was busy and I figure I should take a break from blogging for a while. I'm gonna reply all those dusty and cobwebbed comments later on.

Eh, so how's your redundant new year's resolution? Did you manage to list down 'things-that-I-thought-I-wanted-to-achieve-but-actually-I-don't'? Hahahaha. Seriously though, resolution is a good thing but it doesn't need to wait for another year. So officially this year, I managed to stop that annual "I must quit smoking this year fuck yeah!" resolution.

So in actuality, actually I managed to achieve my new year's resolution in 11 days!

Since it's new year, I've just created another blog with a better defined purpose and content. It's named "Black Spiral". It's still in progress though.

Anyway, Happy Belated New Year for everyone out there!

Eh, what's with this never-ending hype about new year actually huh? It's just numbers lah. LOL