Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Utter Stupidity


I'm sure at this very moment most Malaysians are familiar with this cheap ass shocking news; the leak of a somewhat immoral video of two minors, presumed to be Malay and related by blood, engaging in sexual intercourse. Or in other words, two biologically associated premature homosapiens with Malay ethnicity executing coitus, bypassing the possibility of limp dick and premature ejaculation. 

I find this news extremely revolting, though not by the nature of this video. Believe it or not, there are thousand other kids fucking the hell out of each other in Vietnam or Russia and they're not entirely fucked just by kids either but by creepy bastards. What's revolting is the nature of this news. Let's take a look at the news report again;

BUTTERWORTH: Penyebaran rakaman aksi seks sepasang kanak-kanak yang didakwa adik-beradik melalui telefon bimbit menggemparkan penduduk sekitar bandar ini serta mencetuskan kebimbangan mengenai semakin parah keruntuhan moral masyarakat negara ini.

Ini kerana usia pasangan terbabit masih terlalu muda. Budak lelaki terbabit dipercayai berusia antara 11 dan 12 tahun manakala pasangan perempuan antara 13 dan 14 tahun. 
Aksi berahi mereka dirakam dari pelbagai sudut dipercayai dalam bilik hotel atau motel oleh pihak ketiga berdasarkan katil dan keadaan sekitar. 

Kakitangan swasta dikenali sebagai Azman, 25, yang memperoleh video itu melalui bluetooth daripada rakannya, berkata dia terkejut sebaik melihat aksi pasangan terbabit kerana mereka terlalu muda dan dipercayai masih bersekolah.

“Budak lelaki itu seperti murid tahun lima atau enam manakala remaja perempuan mungkin dalam tingkatan satu atau dua. Kemungkinan mereka adik-beradik kerana fizikal remaja lelaki lebih kecil berbanding pasangannya.

“Saya menggeleng kepala sebaik melihat aksi mereka yang tidak ubah seperti orang dewasa. Bayangkan apa akan jadi kepada mereka pada masa depan dan bagaimana penerimaan ibu bapa mereka jika mengetahui perkara ini,” katanya, semalam.

Menurutnya, tindakan pasangan kanak-kanak itu menggambarkan keadaan moral masyarakat yang semakin merosot dan keadaan ini yang menyumbang peningkatan kes pembuangan bayi hasil hubungan luar nikah. 

“Jika murid sekolah rendah sudah pandai beraksi lucah dan dirakam pihak lain, bagaimana orang dewasa. 

“Apa akan jadi kepada moral masyarakat beberapa tahun akan datang jika gejala penyebaran aksi seks melalui telefon bimbit semakin berleluasa,” katanya. 

Justeru, dia berharap pihak berkuasa segera melakukan sesuatu sebelum gejala penyebaran aksi seks melalui telefon bimbit menjadi ‘wabak’ yang sukar dikawal.


Here's the original link to this news: Hot Superficial Action

Now let me quote a few uncanny lines from this report.

"Kakitangan swasta dikenali sebagai Azman, 25, yang memperoleh video itu melalui bluetooth daripada rakannya"

So, Mr. Azman, would you like to tell me, as a God fearing, law abiding Malay citizen, why would you joyfully request child porn from a friend? I assume you're a good Samaritan since you thought there was the need to report it on the news... Or else the whole news was just fabricated if Mr. Azman didn't exist. Oh, one more thing Mr. Azman, you're already 25, what you really need is getting laid instead of watching porn!

Or did I miss something, like 3gp (low quality LOL) porn file sharing is some kind of NATIONAL SPORT in Malaysia.

"Kemungkinan mereka adik-beradik kerana fizikal remaja lelaki lebih kecil berbanding pasangannya."

Err... I think we may have a slight misunderstanding here, or I might be a retard. What's with physical size and the possibility that they are siblings? I thought it has to do with facial features, skin color, or something like that? No? Gosh, I must be crazy thinking siblings must have similar facial features (unless either spouse commits adultery). All those women taller than me out there are actually my blood sisters. Damn, I'm not really tall either.

Or Mr. Azman, is there a possibility that actually that was your personal sexual fantasy? Child porn plus incestual love making = WINCEST. Or was that something that was just made up to increase sale huh, you bitch! This is ridiculous. It's not even logical.

"Justeru, dia berharap pihak berkuasa segera melakukan sesuatu sebelum gejala penyebaran aksi seks melalui telefon bimbit menjadi ‘wabak’ yang sukar dikawal."

If you haven't notice, the whole article was voiced by Mr. Azman, so the above sentence is presumably his original statement, the very same person who acquired the video from his friend in the first place. I doubt the original reason was for justice, I bet it's more for recreational 'masturbational' purpose you lying prick!

Plus, wabak yang sukar dikawal? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's not just an epidemic, sharing porn in real life is already a CANCER in our society (and not just 3gp anymore, we have HD porn now). Stop feeding lies to uninformed, gullible folks that we are that innocent. We are not Britney Spears.

By the way, these folks at Carigold mentioned that they have watched the original video and the supposed 'siblings' are not actually siblings and they're from Thailand. However, there's no sure way to pass this rumor as valid either. Most of these Carigold members are perverts too and they were also looking for the same video which is probably non-existent.

Why Capitalization is Important


Now you know why capitalization is really important! Just one or two letters could change the whole meaning of the sentence above!

Source: Neuroneko's tumblr Check this out!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Consumerism

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.
-Chuck Palahniuk

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Azwan Ismail Gay Malay Coming Out of Malay Closet


I'm calling that 'coming out of Malay closet' because homosexuality is an ultra-sensitive issue in Malaysia, especially among the Malays. Being gay as a Malay guy is often seen as a crime in most Malay societies. Don't get it wrong, by the way. When I was in a university in Selangor, there were bazillion of gay Malay guys and in a friend's house I used to hang around, many of her neighbor friends are gay and some of em took hormones and have TITS, holyfuck!

Oh by the way, Azwan Ali, no, you're gay and it's not okay.

Or that's one of my ways of saying it. I have different views regarding this matter, as I have different roles as a Muslim, as a citizen, as a socialist, and some other bullshit.

Let's move on why it's not okay for me. It's nothing to do with my heterosexual sexual preference of course. The fact that you are a gay posed no threat to me as long as you're not shoving your dick to anyone's ass, especially my ass. I reserved its view just for my wife and just a few girls have seen it up until now (and few friends by accident and as toilet humors). In a liberal view, being gay in a society indeed will not impose any threat or harm to other people, unless they are rapist or murderer with homoerotic preference. That will be so fucking scary. Since you are not a murderer, rapist, child molester, and don't steal my motorbike, then your existence is fine with me. You being gay is totally fine with me.

But, as a Muslim, no matter what's your excuse, I have to say, it's not okay for me, in the sense that I will not accept your view that each gay must step forward and announce that they are gay (some gays don't even have to announce their homosexuality, they are FLAMING HOMO). I understand the concept of homosexuality and sexual orientation very well, though I have mixed views about it. I know it's difficult for gay people because large proportion of people on earth are heterosexual. The larger proportion of the heteros bound to have some uneducated bunch to go hostile against the homos because of their difference views on what is FUCKABLE, shitty asshole or wet vagina?

Okay, actually it's not just about sex. Sexual orientation is difficult because it's almost hard-wired. Let's say, I am a heterosexual guy who loves mammary glands with delicate shape. One day, all of a sudden a CIA agent kidnaps me and asks me to have buttsex with a hairy guy and asks me to fall in love and marry the guy after that. How the fuck would that feel? Our sexual preference is not something that we can alter with our own will. I can never love a man after knowing the beauty of woman tits. It's just unfortunate that some of us were born with the natural instinct to love their own kind.

I did mention that I have mixed views about the issue of homosexuality, right? Yeah, it's fucking mixed. In a different view, I used to have this theory that homosexuality is actually more like a fetish, not a sexual orientation. Just like obsession to girls in school uniform, obsession to staged rape, pedophilia, girls with 'tudung' having sexual intercourse and thousand other fetishes. In fact, before 1973, homosexuality was in fact considered as paraphilia; sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. In actuality, homosexuality's acceptance even in the Western world wasn't that old. It's still new. So, there's a probability that homosexuality is not something that is wired to our brain or body or dick... biologically and physiologically. What creates homosexuals were the environment, the society, the media and most importantly the respective homosexual individual themselves, on how they deal with social life, problems etc. Well, that's just a theory though.

In my head there are many ideas and conflicting sides now. There is this religious side which is definitely against condoning homosexuality. Then there were liberals and socialist sides exchanging bullshits, conservative side bantering in the middle and communist side yawning at the stupidity of all the other sides.

I could just decide that I don't favor capitalism and the separation of religion and state. But FUCK IT, the government is too much of a bullshit for a so called Muslim country. If they really care about Islam as the official religion and Malaysia as a Muslim country, WHAT THE FUCK with prostitutions, corruptions, bribes, casinos, abortions, dead babies? Oh gay bars too LOL. What the fucking fuck? Those I stated just now have existed for some fucking moment already. If they really wanted to stop em they could have done it, no? Do they give a damn about it?

In conclusion, QUIT THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT. We've been living in sin already. We were already liberal and secular for quite some time already without a large portion of the society noticing it. Not to mention, capitalist too. This Azwan Ismail is just one of the gay bunch and he happened to be the perfect victim for religious wannabes and homophobic Malays.

I don't give a fuck. At least for now.

p/s: I kinda snapped in the middle of writing this.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Immortality of Turritopsis nutricula

Finally, I've found the true secret of immortality. Bollocks to Twilight, Vampire Diaries and other vampire crap! True Blood is pretty awesome though (because of the generous exposure of mammary glands). Anyway, hey, did you notice the address of this blog is virusofimmortality? I know, it's a bit too long and it reeks of teen angst, but currently I feel like not giving fuck about changing my address anytime soon.

Turritopsis nutricula is a species of IMMORTAL jelly fish. In addition to that, it is probably the fucking one and only immortal creature in the whole fucking world! (refer to previous post for 'fuck' usage)

Hey I'm gonna live forever and laugh at your short lifespan. :D
Turritopsis nutricula is immortal in the way that it can revert to its polyp stage after becoming sexually mature. Thus effectively bypassing death because they don't get old! (Provided they don't get themselves squished by anything in the ocean)

To explain this in analogy of human beings, it may refer to a whore who can revert from menopause and have massive sex with strangers and basement dwellers and virgins again! Okay, not really. It simply means, if we have the ability similar to this jellyfish, we can reverse our life cycle; being young again effortlessly!

This special case of immortality is possible to jellyfish because they have this cell development process called transdifferentiation, which is not available among us, pathetic humans. In short, transdifferentiation occurs when jellyfish alters the differentiated state its cells and transforms it into new cells.

If this is possible in human beings which is absolutely impossible, it will end the endless search for the long rumored Fountain of Youth! There will be no more case of people getting caught for statutory rape! Age of consent will be just another bullshit. There will be no more cases of adults engaging sex with minors BECAUSE EVERYONE IS MINORS. Oh shite.

Holyshit, that's messed up, don't you think?



Source:
The Times
ZMEScience
Wiki

Friday, December 17, 2010

Russian Dancing Men!

Who says Russia is all about its cold weather, Stalin regime, oppression, and child pornography? Watch the video below, Russians sure know how to dance and sing a catchy song!



Stereotype jokes aside, actually I love Russian girls and I think their accent is so fucking sexy. No offense, Russians. Your language rocks!

Fuck Properly

No, this entry isn't about sex. It's about fuck. Or the English word 'fuck'. 'Fuck' is a great word. You must be an idiot if you think 'fuck' can only be used as curse word, to express, or to deliver the meanings similar to coitus.

'Fuck' is versatile. First, if you really want to know what the fuck is this about, please do fucking watch this video by clicking the fucking picture below.


I hope you're clear about the most versatile English word 'fuck' now. You're welcome.


The explanation about fuck in that video was done by Monty Python, a classic British comedy group. Here's the text version in case you didn't click the link. LOL

*****

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all of the English words that begin with the letter F, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the F word. It’s the one magical word, just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German, the word frichen, which means to strike. 
In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. 
As a transitive verb for instance: John fucked Shirley. 
As an intransitive verb: Shirley fucks. 
Its meaning’s not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as: John’s doing all the fucking work. 
As part of an adverb: Shirley talks too fucking much. 
As an adverb enhancing an adjective: Shirley is fucking beautiful. 
As a noun: I don’t give a fuck. 
As part of a word, abso-fuckin-lutely, or in-fuckin-credible. 
And as almost every word in a sentence: Fuck the fucking fuckers. 
As you must realize, there aren’t too many words with the versatility of fuck, as in these examples describing situation such as:
Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. 
Dismay: Ah, fuck it. 
Trouble: I guess I’m really fucked now. 
Aggression: Don’t fuck with me buddy! 
Difficulty: I don’t understand this fucking question 
Inquiry: Who the fuck was that? 
Dissatisfaction: I don’t like what the fuck is going on here 
Incompetence: He’s a fuckoff 
Dismissal: Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself? 

I’m sure you can think of many more examples. With all these multipurpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique flexible word more often in your daily speech, It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly! FUCK YOU!
*****

Trivia: 'fuck' in Swahili is 'kutomba'. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cats and Paracetamol

Pada suatu hari, kucing saya jatuh sakit, mungkin demam. Bila kucing hampir dengan ajal mereka, mereka suka baring di tempat sejuk seperti tepi longkang. Mereka akan hilang sama sekali keinginan untuk bermain riang bersama anda. Kerna aku sayang kepada kucing itu, aku telah memberikannya makan Panadol yang ditumbuk halus. Beberapa hari kemudian malangnya, kucing itu mati juga dalam keadaan yang agak tragik. Mulutnya mengalir darah dan badannya kejang dan kaku. Malam itu juga, kira-kira jam 11.30 malam, aku menguburkan kucing itu ditengah hujan, hampir tengah malam. Kucing itu bernama Kojira. Masa itu aku ingat kematian dia disebabkan sakit semata-mata.

And tonight, I've just learned that paracetamol or acetaminophen is lethal to cats!

When we consume paracetamol, it it used to relief pain, headaches and muscle aches. But for cats, it is EXTREMELY TOXIC. This is due to the fact that cats lack the glucuronyl tranferase enzymes to safely break paracetamol down. Thus, even a small portion of paracetamol is enough to kill a cat. It's that fatal.

So if you have cats, please DON'T EVER feed them paracetamol. It will kill them or at least make them die faster.

I'm so sorry, cat. It wasn't my intention.



Source: The Canadian Veterinary Journal

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Concise List of Rempit, Meleis and Similar Stereotypes.

I was searching for a hot Ah Lian on Google just now and it brought me to the concise definition of of Ah Lian and Ah Beng from Wikipedia. Yes, that's right, Ah Lian managed to occupy an entry in Wikipedia, folks!

This Google search brought me to other terminologies in other cultures which brought similar meaning to Ah Lian and Ah Beng. Some of them are familiar such as white trash, rednecks, NEET etc. We've seen them in movies, TV series and we've read them in books and newspapers. Truth is, this social group could have actually exist in most societies! So let's not be ashamed of our own Mat Rempit, Meleis, Pungit, Ah Lian and Ah Beng.

By the way, pungit is a terminology I learned from my principal during secondary school. It's also a word oftenly used by my brother, it is used to address a certain degree of stupidity of a person associated with the term.

An example, "Hei pungit susah sangatkah tukar tayar kereta?"


Pungit is probably a Sabahan word.

Below is a concise list of some of the similar stereotypes.

Ah Lian
Origin: Certain group of Chinese girls in Singapore and Malaysia. Prevalent in neighborhood schools with lower educational standards. Bimbos.

Appearance: Outdated Japanese fashion, hair dyed in bright colours, straightened and usually with thick fringes. They usually wear hotpants and miniskirts.

Unusual Features: Talking loudly in public. Use sharp tone in their speech which they considered cute. Making their eyes big with force or contact lens. Speak hybrid mix of  Singlish or Manglish, creating English phrases with Chinese grammar. Curse a lot in daily speech.

Review: Well, some Ah Lians are totally hot you'll definitely wanna HIT THAT. But when they're not hot you'll definitely wanna HIT THAT WITH A BAT.

A kinda hot Ah Lian


Ah Beng
Origin: Certain group of young Chinese men found in Malaysia and Singapore, rude and often indulge in criminal activity.

Appearance: Unusual fashion styles and tastes. Flamboyant shirts, usually dragons and tight jeans and a comb in their pocket is compulsory. Sometimes leather jackets and pants too.

Unusual Features: Disagree and brawl with random people in the streets. Extreme car modification. Smokes and do dangerous drugs, usually ecstasy.

Review: Usually labeled as gangster wannabes who speak bad English. In Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, they usually occupy cyber cafes. By the way, the TV show Phua Chu Kang is a parody of these Ah Bengs.
A possible Ah Beng. Maybe no.

NEET

Origin: First used in UK but now used in many other countries. It means Not in Education, Employment or Training.

Appearance: Zombie-like features such as dead eyes, limp slowly, smells bad, constant 'Brains' moans, etc. 

Unusual Features: Unemployed, unmarried, not enrolled in school or engaged in housework and not seeking work or the technical training needed for work.

Review: This usually happen to graduates who took local, unacknowledged universities, or those who took a stupid course. Also those who abandoned education and focus on other stuff such as blogging, instead of studying.
His face tells the story


Twixter

Origin: Americans, who are trapped betwixt (between) adolescence and adulthood. How is this possible? It's completely mysterious!

Appearance: Random. Might be naked and stalking you at the moment.

Unusual Features: Living with parents at the age of 28, or any other age which a person is considered to be independent to live a life. Failure to achieve financial independence. In Malay, "Menghabiskan beras.".

Review: Familiar in Malaysian culture. Still you remember Mat Rock Kampung depicted in Gila-Gila once ago? It rang a bell.
Twixters, featured in TIME magazine.


Parasite Single

Origin: Japan. A single person who lives with their parents till their late twenties or early thirties in order to enjoy a CAREFREE and ENJOYABLE life. Somewhat similar to hikikomori, but a little different. In English, they're called Sponge or Basement Dwellers.

Appearance: Probably similar to barbarian. Imagine a nerdy barbarian.

Unusual Features: Single, poor, not paying house rent, getting free meals everyday.

Review: The factor that caused the existence of parasite single is not primarily economic, mind you! It began in 1976. Read through the whole article.
"Please marry our son," says Yamaha and Akosuka.


Ars

Origin: Also called Arsim, their origin is Israel. Yes, you heard that right! Jews had lazy and low class people too, aside from geniuses and evil masterminds.

Appearance: Wear tight clothing in unsuitably bright colors with excessive gold jewelery. Gay much?

Unusual Features: Disrespectful to women and behaves rudely in public. Misogynist Israeli huh?

Review: I've never seen Ars for all my life. So no comment. I rarely heard or read about em.

Not Ars, but his name is actually Arsim. LOL?


Origin: United States. Refers to the poor white people in US, suggesting lower social class and degraded living standards. 

Appearance: Hooligans. Uncivilized behavior, irrespective to authority etc. Similar to Mat Rempit.

Unusual Features: Calling black people niggers, while black people taunted them back by calling them white trash. Funny?

Review: They are funny. I think you can see them in the TV show Accidentally On Purpose.

White Trash perhaps?


Redneck

Origin: United States too. Refers to the poor White Southern farmers. Similar to white trash but it gives me greater depiction of stupid and rude people. I'm not gonna tell you about its history.

Appearance: Maybe stark naked. Wear wool hats. Hahahahahaha

Unusual Features: Get offended for the slightest criticism. Paranoia. Usually hate Muslims and think all of us are terrorists. Idiotic.

Review: These were the people who held that 'Burn a Koran Day'. Unspeakable idiocy. 



Essex Girl
Origin: United Kingdom, it is used to imply the promiscuous and unintelligent woman from Essex. 

Appearance: Wear stiletto heels, pale-colored blonde hair. ORANGE IN COLOUR, due to the excessive use of fake tan. 

Unusual Features: Verbal vulgarity. Tarty. Sometimes they are hot. Sometimes they have many chins.

Review: Just another variant of dumb blonde in US and the KLCC girl in Malaysia. 

Playboy Essex girl.


Mat Rempit

Origin: The Bolehland, Malaysia. They are the daredevils of the road. Usually Malays, they enjoy pulling off stunts while occasionally getting killed. Free live gore show, people!

Appearance: Dress code changes according to states and teams. Mat Rempit's popular attire is Adidas jacket bought from Uptown (maybe original though), the one worn by Farid Kamil in his sucky movie Rempit V3 or Samseng Jalanan V3. These movies actually inspired Mat Rempits all over Malaysia.

Unusual Features: Pulling off stunts out on the street such as wheelie, stoppie, scorpion and superman. Mencuri motosikal orang, which is really bad and the main reason they're hated. Dying in grotesque fashion. Voluntary actors for 3GP porn, a popular type of porn in Malaysia.

Review: Don't we love our local version of Bosozoku? What's Bosozoku? Up next.
Typical wheelie stunt by a Mat Rempit.

Origin: Japan. It refers to the Japanese subculture associated with motorcycle club and gangs. They actually look cool in manga and anime, especially in Great Teacher Onizuka. I don't know about the real bosozoku though. The members were usually under 20 years old.

Appearance: Often depicted as wearing jumpsuit, boots, and baggy pants. Their jackets are usually adorned  with military slogans, rising sun symbol, kanji, etc. Their most prominent feature is the pompadour and the punch perm hairstyle. You'll see how it looks later. 

Unusual Features: Pompadour hairstyle? They will level up as Yakuza member when they reach 20 years of age. Their popular event, massed rides - up to 100 bikers cruising slowly in the major highway, ignoring tollbooths and police. Is that cool or what?

Review: I would like to see ultimate battle between Bosozoku and Mat Rempit. Is it possible? 

An actual bosozoku gang. Click this image to go the actual source.

Meleis

Origin: Afaf Ibrahim Meleis is an Egyptian-American nursing scientist and educator. Hahahahha. Okay that link is fake. There are actual people with the name Meleis. Here's a basic subcategories of Meleis, according to Obefiend.

1. Mat Rempit.
2. Minah Melayu buang baby.
3. Melayu perogol anak.
4. Melayu kaki nombor.
5. Parents Melayu smoke depan anak yang masih baby.
6. Melayu bising dalam wayang macam tengok VCD dalam bilik.
7. Melayu pakai tudung tapi buat 3GP.
8. Melayu kaki ragut.

For thorough comprehension, please do read the whole post about Meleis, the Niggers of Malays, here.



This is Afaf Meleis, not Meleis. She's probably a nice person.


So now you know! We Malaysians are not alone!



Image source: Google Images, dammit.

Love Like Brontosaurus


This is absolutely funny to me!