tanpa makna

sudah

sudah

sudah

sudah

sudah sudah lah

sudah sudah sudah lah tu.

tiada yang hilang

kerana dunia ini menyayangimu

tiada yang hilang

kecuali dirimu

Suddenly.

I miss something.

Is it a bliss?

or

is it amiss?

Whatever,

I do.

As usual,

that's all that matters.

Selamat

Mula-mula aku rasa macam mau tulis "Selamat Menyambut Maulidur Rasul" dekat blog ni.

Tapi lepas itu aku fikir, betulkah orang menyambut? Dan paling penting, adakah aku sendiri menyambut hari yang mulia ini?

Bukan tidak tahu, bukan tidak pernah belajar sejarah Islam, bukan tidak pernah mendengar ceramah-ceramah di surau, bukan tidak pernah mengucap selawat beramai-ramai selepas solat berjemaah. Bukan semua itu. Bagi semua yang beragama Islam, pastilah benda-benda seperti di atas bukanlah suatu yang asing.

Masa aku tingkatan 1 dan 2 di SMESH, setiap petang aku akan duduk di surau untuk membaca buku-buku yang disediakan di rak, di surau yang kecil itu. Selepas itu telaah surah-surah yang pernah aku hafaz masa di Toh Puan Hajjah Rahmah. Dan selepas itu solat berjemaah hingga Isyak. Dan di pertengahan itu akan diisi dengan aktiviti surau. Setiap hari Khamis wajib membaca Yaasin.

Masa aku tingkatan 3 dan 4, biar enjoy darah muda bersama kawan-kawan yang mencuri, menghisap syabu, fly, jalan-jalan cari hooker, belasah orang, pecah masuk koperasi dan lab, curi masuk asrama perempuan, kena kejar dengan RELA, dan segala bagai (sebahagian benda ini aku buat tapi tidak perlu dijelaskan), tapi kewajipan yang lima itu tidak dilupa. Balik dari fly, terus singgah di surau. Memang bangang. Boleh lagi ikut qiam, kadang-kadang.

Tapi sekarang?

Hah. Memang seronok apabila terleka. Kan?

Apapun, Selamat Hari Maulidur Rasul.

Mahu cakap panjang pun macam tidak layak.

Ultimate Human Sauna

Second Language Acquisition (SLA) test today. Here's the condition:

1. Air-conditioner died for unknown reason

2. Picked the wrong seat. Fans were far, faraway like those fairy tales.

3. There were two groups taking the test. Which means almost 40 people in a small classroom.

4. The questions were essay. Only two questions though.

5. The weather was perfect for boiling eggs.

Conclusion: Ultimate Human Sauna

Pro: At least the sauna was free.

Con: Not a good condition for a test.

What actually happened: I answered the questions very quickly just for the sake of getting my ass out of the class.

Where else can you enjoy sauna while answering test questions?

Coma yang Putih

Air mata yang telah kering itu

takkan menitis lagi

hingga akhir waktu.

Bergolek-golek

Aku bergolek-golek

di atas katil

dari jam 1 pagi

Sekarang jam 2.54

aku belum tidur lagi

Cis!

Rupanya ada orang tukar bantal aku!

Letak dalam sarung sama tapi bantal lain.

Patut la!

Oh

malam ini memang panas.

I Wish I Knew Now What I Knew Then

Today is better than yesterday.
Because now we know what we didn't.
Tomorrow never will we know what will be.
But when we know will it be better?
And if tomorrow's better, how about the day after?

I want to live tomorrow first
and live today thereafter.
That's best, that's better.

Om Nom Nom, Halt, Or Never

There. It's done. Nothing left.

Tomorrow and thereafter.

Well.

:D

Mati Hidup Kembali

Sang by Butterfingers. I love this song so much. If this song is a girl I'd surely do her.

Nah. Kidding.

Jalan raya terlampau sunyi
untukku terus bermimpi
mataku belum mengantuk lagi
bawa kemana saja ku pergi

Tunjukkan ku bulan gerhana
tiada siapa nak ku jumpa
benda yang tiada ku sangka ada
tak mengapa oh tak mengapa

Malam semalam gundah gulana
hari ini hari mulia
tak pernah daku rasa begini
seperti mati hidup kembali

Bawa ku hilang dari ingatan
hari ini sehingga esok
tak pernah daku rasa begini
seperti mati hidup kembali

Angkasa penuh dengan bunyian
ku capai sebelah tangan
sebalik awan ada cahaya
bercahayalah selamanya

Daku tertawa seorang diri
darah yang mengalir terhenti
fikiran ku melayang-layang
tiada siapa yang perasan

Malam semalam gundah gulana
hari ini hari mulia
tak pernah daku rasa begini
seperti mati hidup kembali

Bawa ku hilang dari ingatan
hari ini sehingga esok
tak pernah daku rasa begini
seperti mati hidup kembali

Tak pernah daku rasa begini
seperti mati hidup kembali
Kembali...

Lines

Still doing my work. Wasted a lot of time on the internet. Technology is a curse, sometimes. The script is now almost halfway. Feel useless and unreliable. Continue doing my work. Realized the slides are too long. Not much can be summarized. Smoked and smoked and smoked. Turned off the lights. Turned on another source.

Now I'm starting to see lines on my screen.

What the heck?

It's black and white.

Seriously.

Hahahaha. Bukan Latihan Vokal.

Entah la.

Assignment banyak.

Ini post paling pendek tahun ini.

Yay!

Million Dollar Question

Recently, I was asked a million dollar question by random people, some were friends, some were strangers I barely know on a specific online network. Why am I single? Honestly, I don't even know. Let's not talk about pasts and feelings. Over and over I said, memories - no matter how you try erase them, its remnants are here and there to stay. So at times I do talk about significant dates and things from the past. But this does not mean past and memories are the reasons, much less my feelings. That's totally over. It's almost a year now I've been living this bachelor life. If you ask me how do I feel, really, it's indescribable, it's a mixture of various feelings and emotions.

Happy? Check. Content? Check. Fun? Check. Confidence? Check. Crazy? Check.

Lonely? Um, yeah maybe. Deprived? A little. Sad? Nope. Regret? Nope.

There. Really, it's almost a year now, it seemed like I've forgotten how to love a girl, a woman, whatever you call it. I'm not that type of person who would log in to Facebook to hook up with random people, ask them random things about their life, meet up and whatnot. Most of the time, I don't text or call anyone unless they text me first. I don't talk with random strangers... Wait, I did that often in public places, unintentionally, when I'm going out alone. But in the end I always forgot to ask them their phone number. I don't flirt and I'm not interested to flirt because it is such a headache to meet up, to call and to text and to spend for something that is not practical. I don't go to shopping complex and ask random people working at shops to hang out together. Wait, that did happen too.

I bet it's been known among my friends that it's freaking easy for me to have a crush, but it's so freaking hard for me to love. Err... No matter what, that's about it now. It's like my operating system for this particular feeling has malfunctioned. Part of me said I want to but I don't know how. The other part said "No!". Lastly, perhaps my ultimate reason is because I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone.

Coma and Only

For heaven's sake I know surely
these unending thoughts match that of thee
either none or infinity
beyond or within sanity
concluding this complexity
Faces, they disguise too perfectly
thoughts, into corners they hid discreetly
peeking, stalking beneath uncertainty
through spoken words blurted unwittingly
really, ask me, choke me
none I wish but be alive shall thee
be merry, more than ever could any
if not then it shall be me not thee
away and away that's where I shall be.

Copyright Nerojei 2010

Beauty Ugly

Oh, how wonderful

everything falling

like tiles of dominoes

A weak, little push

do it right

do it right

do it right!

or

do it wrong

do it wrong...

or

unintentionally

and

see?

how the beauty ugly

bloom and unleash!

I Dunno LOL

Who says being happy solves everything?

Now I've got no inspiration for a post.

I'm tired, but happy I am.

Till then.

It's time to get to work!

Moderation Commence!

Coma, The Comment Moderator. Hired today. She sleeps in my bed with me. So what?

Due to recent long spamming comments, I've decided to use comments moderation. The good news is, no more word verification as everything will be moderated first. If you've never left any comment in this blog, don't bother about this news.

Peace!

"Thanks for reading me," said ComaBlackWhite.

Subliminal Messages

Things
-that you had decided
-that happened

Either they are
-right or wrong
-for better or for worse

You are
-right, either way
-are what you choose

Two Questions, One Answer

This morning at 9 something I woke up with this question popped up in my head.

"Why fix something that is not broken?"

Then, few minutes later as I lay on my bed, lazily, another question followed.

"Or is it broken beyond repair?"

Then, came an answer to both questions.

"So that means it's not worth fixing."

End of story.

24th February: See. It's so fucking TRUE.

Taming of the Tongkang.

*Just ignore the title*

Last night I was discussing with Herne about the script which I was obliged to write. The script is for our final project for Shakespeare course, we were assigned to stage an adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew. These few days, trust me, I've had this kind of mental block. The reason was probably because of two contrasting demands in my mind.

The theme that we chose for the play was a combination of a high school setting and masquerade. Thus, my script will be based on an adaptation of The Taming of The Shew - 10 Things I Hate About You, as it really suit our theme. Without compromising originality, of course. Then, I asked Mr. Arif, our lecturer, he said that there will be a bit of problem. We were trying to adapt and adaptation, so it will be an adaptation of an adaptation. The fear is that the originality will deluge. Yeah, I admit that is indeed a problem. Thus, here's my list of ideas after discussion with the director.

List of ideas and pros/cons:

1. The play will be based on the original work and language, but with modern high school environment.
Pro: It's freaking original.
Con: The actors (us) will shit brick memorizing the script and the audience shit more bricks trying to understand the lines. And students hate Shakespeare. Really. Look at me.

2. The play happens in a contemporary high school. The lines and the story.
Pro: Easier and more interesting to be done.
Con: Each time I try to write the script it seems to mimic 10 Things I Hate About You. It's such a pain the arse. Can you tell me anything that can represent dowry in high school setting?

3. Lose the high school setting.
Pro: Problem solved!
Con: High school setting = cheaper and free costumes. Free props.

4. Keep the high school setting, jumble up roles and characters.
Pro: It's brilliant and twisted. Kate will be a sissy male, Petruchio will be a shrew female. Lucentio and Bianca roles are kept, only gender switched. So Petruchio's job is to turn Kat into a shrew.
Con: Lack of actors and trust me it's a brick-shitting work, but still possible to be done. But with this time constraint, no.

5. Lose the theme and revamp everything.
Pro: Profit!
Con: No. No. No.

So these are the ideas. Anyway, don't worry. I'll try my best to finish it before this holiday ends.

Oh, last night Herne asked me this question.
"Joe, from your observation, among our group members, who is the hardest one to act?"

So I answered,
"Huh? Honestly, me! Hahaha!"

She laughed and said "I'll slap you!". But really, I mean it. My pictures, as you can see in this blog, they have no expressions. So are the others. Naili also told me once, "What's with your picture? Macam takda perasaan je?" In other words, I am expressively challenged.

Somebody, teach me how to express. Teach me how to smile.
Is 'Expressions For Dummies' available in nearby bookstores?

That Reminder I Forgot

This morning I woke up at 8:50. Damn, why not at 9:00? Why can't I wake up at the exact hour? This is slightly disturbing. Anyway, as I am already awake, let's just stay awake. So here I am now writing this post.

At 9:00 just now, my phone rang. It was not a call. It was a reminder. A reminder for 17th February, a reminder which I'd forgotten to remove from my phone. A reminder for a day which I believed I told myself I did not remember.

"17th February huh?"

Really, I had no idea. I thought I'd removed the reminder. Really I thought. Let's just talk about the reminder, nothing else. I've forgotten anyway. I don't remember. Don't judge me, don't you ever judge me.

Memories may be erased in whatever means, either scientifically or through self-deception. Or simply by facing the reality or by banging your head on the wall.

But still, its remnants are here and there to stay. Don't give me shit, me.

And this does not change anything, no matter what. What's done is done.


p/s: Damn, I hate being melancholic on such a foggy (hazy), peaceful (industrial), morning. Amazingly, this gigantic SAUNA is cool today. Whoa.

Cirit or Die

Sorry, maybe I'm a bit of a slowpoke, but I've recently found this video on Youtube. Funny as hell! Mau pecah perut aku ketawa. :DDD

Monologue 12:14 P.M.

If I ever find you, I'll never, ever, ever let the world take you away from me.
Like how it happened.
Even if it costs my soul.
Because after all, the hardest part of it is to save ourselves from ourselves.
Let's start a world anew.

Before and After

Earlier in a relationship or marriage, please read downward.

Lelaki: Akhirnya, aku sudah menunggu masa ini tiba sejak dulu lagi.
Perempuan: Apakah abang rela kalau sayang pergi?
Lelaki: Oh...Tidak!
Perempuan: Adakah abang mencintai sayang?
Lelaki: Ya, mestilah.
Perempuan: Apakah abang akan pernah curang?
Lelaki: Tidak sesekali abang akan buat.
Perempuan: Abang nak cium sayang tak?
Lelaki: Ya.
Perempuan: Abangku sayang....

After and later in a relationship or marriage, please read upward or in reverse.

*Source: Found in a forum.

Seven Sentences

"I have no clue, nor do I understand it.
As I said before, for certain things, explanations are simply futile.
Must everything have reasons?

They don't. But sometimes they just won't. Get the hell out. Now."

Try, try, try

This almost brought me to tears. Huh? Watch it. And tell me what you think.



This will be my favourite Valentine's Day song ever.

Fuck You Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's day. And the funny thing was, I've forgotten what's the date of Valentine I had to Google it and reconfirm the date.

*Before reading, you should know that my profanity alarm is broken while writing this posts. So if you worry you might be offended, please do not proceed reading.*

"Oh, it's today." I thought.

It's no good at all! Why should you waste your time being cloudy and dovey on 14th February? Valentine, Valentine, Valentine, you think it's gonna seal your love forever? You wish. Nothing ever lasts. Chocolates and roses. Hopes and wishes. What childish dreams! I'd burn them into ashes!

Oh. For those who were in love, pardon my harshness. It will come into sense later.

Valentine's day. Is there the need to celebrate? Tell me what good will come out of it? It's only a day and it promises nothing. Practicality, that's what I'm talking about. Humans, they are so helpless. We enjoy doing things that only last for a while. And here comes the word "worthwhile". Who the fuck coined such word? Something that doesn't last is never worth experiencing. You know what I want? Something eternal. Forever. No matter how impossible that is.

But, life ends no matter what. Nothing lasts forever after all. So fuck my arguments.

Valentine's day, fuck you.

After all, the saddest part of this is that I was actually affected, by the fact that I'm alone on 14th February.

No matter how I tell myself that it's not meaningful. Shut up!

Oh well. I'm coming to KL!

And Happy Valentine's day to all! :)

Happy Chinese New Year

Regardless of colors and beliefs, regardless of parties and races, I would like to wish everyone reading this blog, Happy Chinese New Year! Whether you celebrate it or not.

So, I'm like 25% Chinese. How do I celebrate Chinese New Year then? Logically, only about 25% or less of myself will be celebrating it. Now, now, how do I cut that 25% of me? Or which part should I separate myself from and how do I make sure it's only 25%? I wonder. And I even wonder, some of my friends who looked like Chinese but didn't actually have any Chinese bloodline, what do they do regarding with my previous statement? How many percents? Yes, I'm referring to you, if you're reading this now. Ha ha ha! Alright, now that didn't make sense.

Again, Happy Chinese New Year to my readers! To both the public and silent followers!

p/s: It's like a calm before the storm. Happy and empty night. Tomorrow I'll be busy working on my script. Sigh. I really want to go somewhere tonight. Anywhere will do.

Already There

Really, sometimes explanations are simply futile. Certain things are beyond understanding. If I had a choice, all I really want is just to fade away, into a void, beyond nothingness. Away and nothing can reach me.

Wait.

I'm already there.

Word Play

Kepala punya otak

otak punya fikiran

fikiran punya akal

tapi

mana letaknya hati?

mana letaknya naluri?

mana letaknya identiti?

beza

antara rasa dan rasional

antara betul dan bebal

sungguh

aku keliru

ikut kepala ikut nafsu

ikut hati kata tahu

mana satu kau mahu?

keruh dan jernih

mudah dan jerih

mana yang kau pilih?

Five Dilemmas.

Here, I want to list few things. These in a way are related to my dilemma on finishing this Writing Methodology assignment. Enough said, I need not to elaborate.

1. Stupidity. This isn't a problem because nobody is born stupid. Only laziness or they are simply assholes. Or they were born retarded. No offense here by the way.

2. Laziness. Being lazy is pardonable. Nobody is perfect, laziness is a part of human nature, even for the Japanese. Japanophile not included. You can be lazy, you can procrastinate, but when needed, be committed.

3. Ignorance. Yes, this is problematic. When you notice that you don't have a group yet for a particular assessment, it's your job to contact particular persons and tell them you wanted to join their group. They are not your caretaker nor they will call you and ask you to join their group, especially if the deadline for that assessment is 8 hours later and you did nothing for the group, not even contacting the members.

4. Being too clueless. Hello? Where do you live? At least get some idea what the assessment is about. The course information is available there. So is the book. You can read, I can read. Now, can we, like, live happily ever after? Questions are good, but answering too much of them can be a bit overwhelming.

5. Plagiarism. For God's sake, I don't plagiarize my work, I never plagiarize, I will never plagiarize my work. Maybe I'm laid back, but when it comes to work, that's a different story. I can be so damn fussy that I'd do the work alone. To that extent. Yes, I'm psychotic like that.

That's all for this happy morning. Just a little bit more! I can do it!

Subtlety

Kept it inside

so it won't hurt

bitterly embrace the irony

that it did hurt

subtlety

to what end

I wish it had been clearer

and I was a little sure

maybe

it will be easier

I could not fucking care less

when I don't.

"Nanti Saya Mati"

I couldn't remember when it was that I found this photo of a friend of a friend of mine. In other words, I have no idea who is this guy. The caption was funny. "Don't step on me or I'll die." That's cute. This photo was taken in Kundasang or Ranau if I wasn't mistaken, where remnants and memorials of British colonization were kept. Oh, I went to this place once with my friends once, but I couldn't remember its name. Hmm. I wonder. Do we value colonization that much? Why keep bitter memories? Perhaps it's a remembrance for mistakes we did, our weaknesses that were exploited by opportunists. But that's not the point of this post. Today, as I scroll through my News Feed on Facebook, I found this photo.

A photo, taken exactly at the same spot. The girl on the left was my classmate when I was in Form Four, Helnie. The girl on the right is Aza, also my ex-classmate. Is this common? But, really I found this meaningful. Suddenly I felt everything in this world are interconnected. It's a bit of regret though I didn't take a picture at this spot when I was there.

Transcendence

"Here I stood with no purposes

waiting for nothing

but nothing

I saw not even almost,

if not everything."

"But what does it take

to see beyond this

tainted I was

tainted I am

how can there be tomorrow

without yesterday?"

"Purpose,

grant me purpose

but why?
a thirst to quench

a reason for being."

Nerojei

I am
an awkward cast
of a redundant play
a failure
of expressions
a figure
outside of a photograph
a man
of a faint smile

I write
to express
not to impress
a note
for me to remember
a reminder
so I won't forget
a will
as a reminder

Rot my body
perish my soul
but this wish I insist
these words persist

Susceptibility

My thoughts, trust me they are countless. So much that I can't even understand what were they. Hundreds and thousands of voices bantering each other, many arguments condemning one another. My hearts says this but my mouth says the other, betraying orders from the brains, denying with every possibilities. What and what and what? I don't even know what to think. Being not able to think because of thinking too much, is that even possible? Thoughts overflowing but none I can write. This sucks.

Lost My Words

"Thoughts said them all clearly. But words failed me.
Most left unspoken. 

Really, I suck in expressions. Clueless I was in my course of actions. 

Was it conscious or subconscious? 

Or was it a dream? If it was then I'd choose not to wake.

What's there to understand from something that is not understood?

What's there to see from the blinded eyes through blinded eyes?

Really. What's right what's wrong? 

A thin line to define. A subjectivity to refine.

God, I need somewhere safe, somewhere hidden. Can I?"

A Change Is A Must

If you notice, you must have realized that I changed the title of my blog to "ComaBlackWhite V1.50" instead of "Nrvnqsr's Lair V1.50". A change is a must. But why? I know maybe this is insignificant to you, but hear I am, shamelessly telling you why. It's your fault for reading it. :p

I changed the title of this blog because... I gave it a thought that only very few people would know how to pronounce it correctly. "Nrvnqsr". How do you pronounce it? Though it is already history by now, let me tell you how to pronounce it correctly. It is pronounced "Six Six Six". Simple enough. It's a Hebrew word play. Why 666? Why Hebrew? I wonder. But I liked it.

The title now is officially "ComaBlackWhite". Why? I'll tell you its history on the next change.

Undefined

Ask me why
I wouldn't know the answer
Ask me what
I don't have the answer
Ask me when
Time took the answer

I did because I did
Like a dead moth
Like a morbid crow

A complexity
so massive, enigmatic
yet alluring
drifted and lost
yet so sincere it felt

Thanks for the colours.

Not Interested

I never posted my rants in this blog as far as I can remember. Or did I? Oh well. Here goes my rants. Lately I've been sensing this annoyance. I wonder if it's just me or is it true? Or is this just wrong? So here's the story. We were given a group work - a presentation. But unfortunately, on the day that this task was given, I and some of the others were absent. Why we were absent, don't ask. We have no clue what the work was about until then. 

So there is this dude who took the pride to inform us about the assessment. Told us that there will a be presentation so we needed to discuss. Okay, no problem, absolutely, I thought. But all of a sudden, by this week, he did all the job by himself, he did all the slides on his own. Oh, less hassle, thanks, if you do that sincerely, I thought. But what's with that expression or so I heard? Like we were not doing our job. We didn't ask you to that job on your own. When? The deadline? By the time the work was done,  we still have a hell lot of time for God's sake. Time constraint? Excuse me while I choke myself to death. Ugh.

I didn't get the slides. But I've got the paper. But the one I'm presenting will be based on the slides. I wonder how that helps. So perhaps tomorrow, if time permits, I'll be presenting those information without really knowing what it is about. I don't mind, really, I did that a few times when I was unprepared, but it was my own work, not others and I used no slides. Just, maybe, can we at least divide the tasks next time around? Or is somebody planning to take the credit for the presentation because he did it all on his own? Of course he will be pro-everything, since he did everything. Maybe we can read the slides. Yum. If you need the credit, you can have it all you want. I don't need it. You want to be a smart ass? Be my guest. But maybe if you think about it a little, maybe I'm not interested to compete? Maybe I don't feel intimidated at all? Maybe I'm waaay more interested in everything else besides this? Here's the bad news, you can erase all the 'maybe' in the previous sentences. I am not interested.

Sweet Lies, Bitter Truth

Which one is better?

a) I tell you the sweetest lie and shove it up your ass. You were happy, sure.

b) I tell you the bitter truth and you get a heart attack. Sweet.

c) I tell you that I'm gonna tell you something. Ask a car to run me over. So you won't get an answer. FOREVER.

So from all of the above, which one is better? For God's sake, making a choice from the above options is not easy as we might have thought so. No? Only me perhaps.

But rather if I can, I would always choose to slap someone with a shitty truth rather than caressing them with a comfy lie. Easy? No. Better? Yes.

Bangun Pagi Gosok Gigi

Hari ini aku bangun 7.30 pagi. Pencapaian terbaru tahun ini! Bangun jam 7.30 pagi tanpa tidur semula dan kekal segar hingga jam 9.09. Lagi best kalau selepas ini aku rajin membuat sarapan pagi. Maka dengan itu peristiwa ini layak untuk dicatatkan didalam blog ini. Tapi adakah aku akan berjaya membuat sarapan pagi selepas ini? Mampukah aku mengatasi kemalasan yang menebal dalam jiwa-raga ini? Ini aku pun tidak pasti. Jadi tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, marilah bersama-sama kita nantikan apa yang bakal berlaku. Sekian, terima kasih.

Resolution?

First of all, what's going to be written below are not necessarily true for everyone else a.k.a. you. But at least these are the lessons I learned in my journey of life so far. And for this reason, these became what I called my own codes of ethics. My own truth. Principles that kept me sane. A personal discipline as a form of self-refrain. Agree or disagree, that is not the question. LOL

1. To gain power but not to corrupt

2. To seize opportunity but not to take advantage

3. To love yet not to possess

4. To gather knowledge but not to brag

5. To speak only with reasons

6. To care yet not to bear

7. To trust and remain cautious

8. To put anger next after rationality

9. To live and remember death

These are the basic I could think of. Perhaps, most people would have wished for similar things, eh? It's just not written down. How many of these can I maintain and achieve? Only God knows.

Less serious ones version:

1. To get allowance and still cook at home

2. To stop smoking and save money

3. To focus on study and less procrastination

4. To be interested in my course

5. To not laugh at politics in Malaysia. Hahaha. Oops.

6. To use less sugar for drinks

7. To be healthy since medicines are expensive

8. To practice self refrain. You really have to, dude.

9. To use internet only for practical purposes

Monologue 7.47 p.m.

Aku pernah cakap. Jangan tidur jam 5 petang. Nanti bangun sakit kepala dan pening. Sekarang. Aku baru bangun. Dan aku pening. Otakku kosong. Namun terus menaip dan terus menaip. Cuba menggunakan lebih dari 4 jari. Berjaya! Dan terus menaip lagi. Sambil berfikir, sampai bila harus ditaip? Sampai gila. Sampai seru. Sampai jumpa mukaddimah. Sampai jumpa penemu. Atau dalam ertikata lain. Otak ini kering, kosong dan usang. Mata kuyu sebelah. Mulut haus.

Lain kali jangan tidur lepas Asar.

Gelap Langit

Gelap langit
cerah hari
tertanya hati
penghujung pelangi
nanti lagi
tidak pasti
nanti lagi
tidak jua kembali
hati kata mari
tapi realiti tertawa sendiri

Jangan campakkan dirimu
ke ruang itu
cerah hari
silih berganti
pastikan ada nanti
jalan kembali
kelak senyummu
akan berseri lagi.
Pasti.

That Girl, This Girl

It had been a few days since I wrote my last post! So before this become a habit, I decided that I should post something, anything, soon, now. Thus, the title stated above will be my topic of blogging at this moment.

It's a nature, it is, for any guy that we have natural attraction to the opposite gender a.k.a. girls. That is if you're straight, mandatory. If you're tilted a bit to your own gender, you're out. If you find yourself attracted to a creature with somewhat similar genitalia, then you're definitely out. Homosexuality, if you want to compare it to other sexual fetishes or genetically imprinted, as an individual freedom, then I also have the right to disagree. Like the color of blue over yellow, eh?

What do we male creatures like about girls? Specifically me, a representative of the whole species, in this post. Some say the face, that wishful eyes, that innocent smile, that . Some say the body, that huge rack, those solid curves, that pouted lips, that lustrous hair, that silky skin. Some prioritize investments, that indispensable resource, that filthy rich parents. Some say the heart, the kind ones, the naughty ones, the wild ones. This one, that one. That girl, this girl. That I want, this I want. So many we demand yet, so little we get. Ha ha ha. So little we know, so little we have yet so much we want.

Of course, people might say, "But that does not apply for everyone". True, if you said so. But if you're promised such a perfection you demand, would you honorably say "no"? For something that you can grasp within your hands, would you dismiss it without a tint of regrets? That is for you and me to answer.

Honestly,  after years and years (twenty two going twenty three by now) of dealing with this issue and female occupied environments, I came to a conclusion which some of you might already had. 

Imperfection perfects imperfection.

The formula works this way:

(Imperfect male A) + (Imperfect female B) = Perfection x (Nobody is perfect)

For God's sake, I don't care for anything else, though I might enjoy the sight of huge racks, overly exposed skin, beautiful girls and those X rated stuffs. Girls, women, they are most perfect when they can make me laugh and let me forget about worldly issues for a little while. Not your makeup, not your face, not your expensive clothes, not your money, not your tits, not your performance in bed. 

Your humor.

But not the mindless ones.

Your laughs.

And also your sadness.