Recently, I was asked a million dollar question by random people, some were friends, some were strangers I barely know on a specific online network. Why am I single? Honestly, I don't even know. Let's not talk about pasts and feelings. Over and over I said, memories - no matter how you try erase them, its remnants are here and there to stay. So at times I do talk about significant dates and things from the past. But this does not mean past and memories are the reasons, much less my feelings. That's totally over. It's almost a year now I've been living this bachelor life. If you ask me how do I feel, really, it's indescribable, it's a mixture of various feelings and emotions.
Happy? Check. Content? Check. Fun? Check. Confidence? Check. Crazy? Check.
Lonely? Um, yeah maybe. Deprived? A little. Sad? Nope. Regret? Nope.
There. Really, it's almost a year now, it seemed like I've forgotten how to love a girl, a woman, whatever you call it. I'm not that type of person who would log in to Facebook to hook up with random people, ask them random things about their life, meet up and whatnot. Most of the time, I don't text or call anyone unless they text me first. I don't talk with random strangers... Wait, I did that often in public places, unintentionally, when I'm going out alone. But in the end I always forgot to ask them their phone number. I don't flirt and I'm not interested to flirt because it is such a headache to meet up, to call and to text and to spend for something that is not practical. I don't go to shopping complex and ask random people working at shops to hang out together. Wait, that did happen too.
I bet it's been known among my friends that it's freaking easy for me to have a crush, but it's so freaking hard for me to love. Err... No matter what, that's about it now. It's like my operating system for this particular feeling has malfunctioned. Part of me said I want to but I don't know how. The other part said "No!". Lastly, perhaps my ultimate reason is because I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone.