Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Mechanics of a Relationship for the Young and Foolish

This is largely based on a male's perception. If somehow it appears misogynistic, feel free to shoot me down.

When everything's said and done, hearts were broken, lost were sweet words but scornful accusations, and not to mention how you realize how difficult it is to change your romance-driven-habits (shocking phone bills, mellow good night wishes, the outings, etc); you will question yourself, "Good God, how the heck did that happen?"

How could something so beautiful end up so dysfunctional which you could barely understand? Heck, you probably don't even know yourself anymore, for months or even years; to solve your identity crisis, the oh so usual quest of 'Breaking the Habit'.

So here's the mechanics of a relationship (and how it falls apart), from what I heard and from what I see. There are five primary phases in the mechanics of relationship, from the beginning till it falls apart.

Phase 01: 'Star Crossed Lovers' (or So They Say)

The phase when everything's so beautiful that you believe that rhinos actually puke rainbow. At this phase, everything looks so perfect, you'll most like care for nothing about the world but the said lover. Suddenly you realize the two of you had so much in common! --To such extent that something that is not your interest is NOW your interest, but you didn't notice that.

At this point you're probably sharing favourite songs, favourite places, favourite this and that. There is a possibility that now you've just discovered the wonder of smilies in texting. The future seems promising and the rhino will continue to perpetually puke rainbow to no end!

Phase 02: 'Going Steady'

You figured in order to escalate that happiness to a whole new level, going steady indeed is the right choice. "Nothing will stop us!", "This is the definitely the right thing to do!", oh hail the joy of being young and foolish when you thought the world works in perfect order.

At this phase you're probably doing ridiculous stuff which you will laugh at when you get older; surveying a house which you will live together (not considering you don't have a job yet), combining both of your names for your imaginary children, awkward nicknames which will induce 'pfffttt' among your friends, embarrassing Friendster/Facebook couple photos, stuff like that.

Going steady heyy!
Phase 03: 'A Relationship'

Now you're in. You're officially in a relationship which you hope will last and end as something worth mentioning, not another sappy love song. That depends on you though, whether you plan to move on with marriage later in the future. Some people just do it for the kicks. Hahahahaha

During this phase everything is relatively stable, just as what you expected, at least until you see the big picture. You start to know your partner in greater detail, flaws and pet peeves that you overlook or just ignore because you say you love him/her as for what they are.

Star crossed lovers much?

Phase 04: 'The Power Battle' all the way to 'The Eye Opener'

The sub-phase where most relationships deteriorate, 'The Power Battle'. In its most basic form, a relationship is always about maintaining the equilibrium of power. Who calls the shots, who orders food from the menu, who decides the venues for date, who decides what movies to watch, who scores the phone bills; stuff like that.

Then there goes the switching of roles and identity crisis. Both the people in the relationship try really hard to adapt to their partner, trying to be interested in what you don't, saying yes when you actually should say no, doing things you wouldn't normally do, etcetera.

Later on you start to realize, you have no idea who the hell is the person staring at you from the mirror. You were too absorbed in the relationship you've changed so much. But you're so into the relationship you can't get out, there are commitments, there is this ego you want to protect, though at the moment everything begins to deteriorate.

'The Eye Opener' - Now you begin to see all those flaws and pet peeves and they're poking your eyes like poisonous bamboo. Now the world is not that beautiful eh? Now the rhino is puking blood and dirt instead of rainbow. BAH DUM TISH!


Phase 05: All Hell Breaks Loose

The relationship now has reached its ultimate phase of dysfunction. It's completely dysfunctional, but the good memories you stored in your brain makes you cling on to something that is totally hopeless. You keep telling yourself that things will work again and the constant shouting, blaming, cursing, and bickering will stop. But they don't, instead they get more intense. Now the only passion left about the relationship is all about FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.

And so you wonder, how did I end up with that __________??? Fill in the blank according to your level of hostility and irrationality.

The next phase is intentionally left according to your imagination. It's mostly about 'rediscovery of identity', break up songs, sappy break up poetry, 'I want you back but oh no you don't' phone calls, really bad diet, increased cigarette counts, and other things you can probably list down yourself.

The Aftermath

What you will eventually end up as.

In conclusion, relationship is not something you should initiate if you realize you yourself have unresolved issues and identity crisis. Why bother to ruin months or even years of both your and other people's life? But here's an irony:

Only with a really strong thud of banhammer in the head you'll realize your mistakes and achieve self improvement. So go ahead, DO MISTAKES without a tint of regret.


una berry said...[Reply]

I couldn't agree more

Valossa Vicious said...[Reply]

@una berry

Come on please disagree with me

Maariv said...[Reply]

took your advice before you even mentioned it here

Clarky Afif said...[Reply]

uhmm...true. but there are happiness after every breakups (look at me. i'm so happy being single i forgot to cry)

ohh mama...saya mahu kaweeen...

Valossa Vicious said...[Reply]


I know


Being single is a blessing... Well most of the time. Hahaha

I'll never get married till I'm 30, at least.

Lilyana said...[Reply]


Valossa Vicious said...[Reply]


But some people got stuck...

So they're old and foolish!