Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Art of Arse Kissing

A few worthless advices for anyone out there. Nothing offensive, but please read with caution. Not recommended for practitioners of arse-kissing. Persistent still? Read on.

1. Whatever you do, reach for the sky, but arse kissing is the worst choice you could have chosen.

2. When you're on top due to arse kissing, you should shoot yourself in the head, point-blank.

3. And also, if you still insist to kiss arse, make sure you're good, so fucking good that you'll fuck up anyone getting in your way. That's what we call arse-kicking-arse-kissing. Do it with style.

4. When you kiss arse(s) half heartedly, please do remember that it will bloody annoy everyone in the nearby radius and this of course include your friends, well, if you still have any. So when you kiss arse, do it discreetly, do it aesthetically.

5. Oh, and even if you kiss arse(s), a tool is still a tool. Get some books. Search the internet. Learn to read and commit. Look up responsibility. And don't be a parasite. Or somebody will eventually fuck you up, because they really can if they wanted to.

6. In the process of getting your lips or tongue on any arse(s), please don't drag anyone on the way. They are probably not interested. Not even a bit. I'm not talking about cunnilingus. No.

7. When you kiss arse(s), please, be aware, you are not cool and people are not listening to your orders. It's just your imagination. Perhaps they hate you, no?

8. BEWARE. It's stated in the Guideline of Arse-Kissers 1907, an arse-kisser should not ever kiss another arse-kisser's arse. That's against the law of nature! You'll create a time paradox! Noooo!!!! Snake!!! What happen!!! Don't get it? Never mind the joke.

9. Do not kiss anyone's arse. It's that simple, really. You'll live prosperously and happily ever after. Or maybe not.


So now you know. It's simply art, that's all that matters.

Now go.

2 Comments:

Maariv said...[Reply]

Kissing arse and digging are two different things right? I mean, what is people if you don't dig them up and get the best out of them? Hey let me dig sth from you. Ever tried Bioshock and Bioshock 2? Immersive. Say I want that 1907 guide.

Nerojei said...[Reply]

Define arse-digging?

I played the predecessor, System Shock 2. My laptop spec sucks, so bye-bye computer gaming. Till I get a powerful desktop!