Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Coma Epiphany

It’s an epiphany, perhaps larger than that. I’m referring to the thoughts lingering in my mind right now. Nothing really serious like; “What the hell am I doing with my life right now?” “I need to find a cure for this self-destructive tendency.” Heck no, because this self destructive tendency is fun and it’s the secret key to borderless and reckless confidence. 

What I’m really trying to say is the direction of this blog.

Whether you realize it or not, this blog had a somewhat abnormal growth. At first, this blog was created for more personal reasons. The earlier posts were mostly personal. By personal I’m referring to bad poetry of broken hearts, useless love-life rants and more useless and worthless content. Gradually, these less valuable content were replaced with more mature posts (or so I think) and I started writing about my opinions on current issues, poetry, maniacal stuff I did, places I went to, my past experience when I was young and foolish and whatnot. Time after time, I noticed my readers are increasing in parallel with the increase of less personal content. Right folks, that’s the truth, there are few people who are interested about your personal life other than your girlfriend, your ex, your close friends, your stalkers, and closet gay bastards.

When I revised the content of this blog recently, I noticed it consists of a good, unbalanced mix of personal and non-personal content. But the prominent fact here is the lack of posts which are actually good and worth reading. Truth is, I’m disappointed with this blog and I’m considering changing its name to A Pot of Shit. God that can be translated to Marijuana Went Wrong! Talk about genius blog-naming inspiration.

Lately, I’ve been stalking and trolling in many Malaysian’s blogs and I would say, this blog is nothing compared to them, but that’s not the point. I could care less about traffic counts and number readers. This blog was not created for monetary benefits. However, this does not mean that I don’t give a rat’s shit about its quality. This blog is written by me, when it lacked quality that means the author is shitty. Perhaps that is true, because honestly what I was actually doing for about a year was fucking up with my life. It was a wholesome life of ignorance and indifference. At least that’s the only thing I could do to make myself okay. I did not ask for help from anyone, I stood on my own.

Now, as you can see, as I write further the stuff is getting more and more personal.

Anyway, despite of the unresolved issues unintentionally mentioned above, I’m planning to turn this blog to a new direction, write new contents, delete shitty posts and write better for the sake of whom? Nobody. Or should I just write another blog and keep this one for personal posts? Seriously, my concern about the well-being of this blog is a bad habit, because at the moment I have official and very important work which needs to be done. This is what I meant when I mentioned ignorance. When it comes to ignorance, trust me, I bet I’m one of the best people you can learn from. I’m a guru of ignorance. But still I’m not interested to live under a bridge and be the local rastafari guru. I still care about eating, about having good clothes, playing console games, and having means of transportation. So in other words, I’m full of shit, honestly.

Nevertheless, the rebirth of this blog or a birth of a new Blogspot is still in consideration. A new epiphany, a new beginning. Let’s hope I could do the same to the life I’m currently living.