Monday, November 9, 2009

Lies

I went to section 18 just now to buy ball pens for tomorrow's paper. I don't know what were my reasons but all of the stuffs I bought aside from those ball pens were not food, though it is pretty obvious I am feeling hungry now. 2 boxes of Chrysanthemum tea, 1 mineral water, 1 drinking water and a container of Butterscotch flavored ice cream. I love Butterscotch and Vanilla like no other things in the world (yes, that is indeed an exaggeration).

Maybe, just maybe, maybe I felt too thirsty. Despite of not going anywhere all day. But if you honestly ask me, what I really felt was that I felt empty. Especially these few days. Of course I would not admit it, mind you.

I was about done shopping in Giant, alone, it is something I do from time to time. Enjoying the scenery of night or day all by myself on my (requested* Kas' scooter actually) scooter and drift into an empty world of mine as I twist the throttle through corners.

I have this weird complex every time I go to section 18. I knew she stays there. There is this kind of feeling that whenever I am around 18, I kind of wanted to see a glimpse of her. Maybe just from the back. Just from the side. With that I hope she would not see me. That's a little, faint wish that I noticed I had in my heart. It's not like I am going to talk her. I just want to see a glimpse of her, that's all.

I was on my way back, passing through Rafi Bistro restaurant and was about to pass by Akasia hostel, still with the thought in my head. Suddenly, as though God were answering my prayer, I saw a figure that looked so familiar that I couldn't even lie to myself about it. Maybe it was because of the clothes that she wore. Maybe it was because of her hair. Maybe it was because of the way she moved her feet. Maybe it was because Farah and Elin was easily recognisable.

I knew it was her. In fact in that very short of a moment, I could feel a faint fondness, that I was glad, just to see her there, alive and well. I didn't even have the intention to say hi, let alone I care whether she saw me as I passed and twisted the throttle.

I am a terrible liar, I am. I tell myself, "There's no looking back, because you just can't". So much had happened and I realised all these moments past, I was not over it, I was numb. I still am.

8 Comments:

Anonymous said...[Reply]

know how it feels.
been there.

f.

Nrvnqsr Seras said...[Reply]

Thanks. At times, it's just like that. The feelings revisited, all at once. Like a rainbow. Beautiful, yet you can't touch it. And you know there's no turning back either.

Anonymous said...[Reply]

I didn't even have the intention to say hi. Let lone I care whether she saw me as well as I pass and twisted the throttle.

correction....I didn't even have the intention to say hi, let alone care whether she saw me as I passed and twisted the throttle.

B-

Anonymous said...[Reply]

not looking at correction carefully, I see...

Anonymous said...[Reply]

hu-uh.anyway, ur scoot eh..haha

f.

Nrvnqsr Seras said...[Reply]

Kas' scoot la. Heheh. But it would look ugly to explain everything in such a melancholic writing.

ibrahim1987 said...[Reply]

I don't know but your actions, are similar to mine. Just.. I want to be noticed. Not ready to let go, yet.

Btw, who's this anon?

Nrvnqsr Seras said...[Reply]

Two Anons actually. Hehe. Confidential Im! You gotta discover it yourself!