These are some Bah Dum Tish jokes I found from of course... The internet. -.- What is Bah Dum Tish jokes you ask me? They are mostly tasteless, politically incorrect, rude, morbid, sexist and they could be racist. They are essentially a bad choice of a joke to share with your friends or fellow neighbors during your tea time. And if you find yourself laughing after reading them, you should consider seeing a psychiatrist because you might either be a: basement dweller; murderer; racist; zombie; or pedophile.
1. A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. "What the hell are you two doing?" He screams. "See, I told you he was stupid," says the wife to the other man. BAHDUM TISH!
2. Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? BAHDUM TISH!
3. What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage. BAHDUM TISH!
4. What's Mary short for? She's got no legs. BAHDUM TISH!
5. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. BAHDUM TISH!
6. I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me. BAHDUM TISH!
7. There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". BAHDUM TISH!
8. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. BAHDUM TISH!
9. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? BAHDUM TISH!
10. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? BAHDUM TISH!
11. Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you. BAHDUM TISH!
12. Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day! BAHDUM TISH!
13. They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. BAHDUM TISH!
14. Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."BAHDUM TISH!
15. What do you call an anorexic chick with yeast infection??? Quarter pound with cheese BAHDUM TISH!
16. If you rape a prostitute, is it really rape or is it shoplifting? BAHDUM TISH!
17. What would you call Fred Flintstone if he was black? A nigger! BAHDUM TISH!
18. What's the best part of having sex with a 12 year old girl in the shower? If you pull her hair back she looks like an 8 year old girl! BAHDUM TISH!
19. Why don't Muslim's eat at McDonalds? 'Cause the burkas are better at Hungry Jacks! BAHDUM TISH!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus Episode 2
After long, Hanis Manis woke from her deep slumber. Her eyes wide awake, gazing at the horizon of the illogical realm of The World. She hurled that little table she sat under in her slumber--to the boundaries of the logical and illogical realms.
Within the boundaries, cursed souls were writhing for absolution for they were trapped in between life and death due to their immortality. Who says being unable to feel saves you from suffering? [Refer to the logics of The World in Episode 1]
Hanis knew, it is not the matter of responsibility or obligation. Killing The Knight in Shining Armor is selfishly her personal interests. Never did she gave a damn to the dwellers of The World. As immortal as they were, they were deader than death itself--what is a life without a purpose? Nevertheless, The Knight must be dead, for he was the last threat to the existence of The World, the only thing that mattered to Hanis.
"After I kill that bastard, I will keep Morpheus in the infinite Void-- Hahahahah! His consciousness will be no more!" Hanis told herself.
About Morpheus
Here lies the truth. Hanis may had killed Morpheus, but death is not the accurate description to explain his condition. In fact, Morpheus is still alive and kicking, but only in another realm of consciousness between the real world and The World-- a place that never was, the land of dreamers that is different from the realm of The World which was accidentally formed. Hell, how can you kill something that doesn't exist?
The concept is simple. Much like the order of cosmos, you can never overwrite the same condition or composition to an object that is subject to the very same condition. In the case of Morpheus, an ambiguous nonexistence; it is not possible to overwrite erase his existence a.k.a. killing him because he does not exist. Much like feelings and emotions, they don't have to take the forms of existence but they are simply there.
How could Hanis "murder" Morpheus in the first place? The answer lies in her very own nature. Due to her abnormally developed imagination, she developed several layers of consciousness that transcend the limits of most human beings. It did not take her that long to finally encounter Morpheus in the deepest layer of consciousness.
Well, perhaps Morpheus was way too busy constructing dreams for humans, he didn't notice her. Or maybe he didn't care. This was never revealed until the end.
About Morpheus ends.
Thanks to the disrupted logic, Hanis was able to float herself in the air. She thrust speedily to The Knight in Shining Armor. Her thoughts raced with questions and disgusts. Back in the now fucked up reality, she used to know the Knight in Shining Armor. She used to know the person beneath that silver helmet very well, it scared her to imagine what to happen soon.
Anyway!
Hanis decided to drop by an old mansion for a few drinks, just to chill out before that fateful encounter. Thus she met Eszol, a merman who worked as a maid in that grand mansion possessed by an elegant countess, Larasephia. Being a merman working as maid, a peculiar mixture of existence and occupation, Eszol was often known as Mer-Maid-an. Whatever the hell that means.
Eszol made a terrible mistake. He pissed Hanis off by accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on her favourite pair of jeans (since that was the only pair of jeans she ever bought). Driven by anger fueled with rage, she mercilessly choked him to death and mutilated him to unrecognizable pieces of sashimi--and fed them to the inhabitants of the nearby town. Larasephia felt really glad and said,
"Thank God, I was really at loss trying to think of alibis. I sure could use a new maid!"
Hanis Manis was ready to depart till Larasephia reminded her,
"Dude, your pants!" Hanis had no choice but to borrow Larasephia's for she was late. Off she went.
Finally, the fateful encounter ensued. Hanis stood fearlessly facing The Knight, who was bored beyond redemption waiting for her.
Hanis spoke first to break the awkward silence,
"So you think being a knight will absolve you from your sins?"
The Knight answered,
"If absolution was my reason, I would never bother to be here. I would be with the rest of the dwellers of The World, not knowing a single fuck of your scheme! What is sin in your eyes and what is sin the Creator's eyes? I don't bother, as long as I am content about the world as I know it! I don't need absolution, I don't give shit to your judgement. I am here protecting these remnants of logics so I can return to who I was! If I was a sinner and that made me happy and it will make me happy again, SO BE IT!"
Shocked by his statement, Hanis said,
"You speak too much. I should have killed you back in the real world, you bastard! But... What can I do? I don't think I can do this. Your existence... Your voice... Even that bloody egoistic and selfish fuck of you, why am I still in love with you? Why can't you just die... By your own hands..."
He replied,
"Because I matter, more than I think of anyone. And that's enough reason for me. I don't need justice to prove anything. Morpheus will never die, Hanis. Unless you can kill me. HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!"
And with that, The Knight vanished from the scene with the remnants of logics, leaving Hanis, collapsed on her knees.
There is a loophole, despite of the reality-defying rules governing The World. Although the illogical nodes and miasma had tainted the the minds of people and devoured most of their logic, emotions, feelings and conscience-- such things never occurred to Hanis. That was the reason she could not bring herself to kill The Knight in Shining Armor.
In order to protect The World longer from the remnants of logics kept by The Knight, Hanis poured all of her consciousness into The World--creating The Void in the process, the place where Morpheus resided. With that action, The World turned to chaos as Hanis had forced Morpheus to enigmatic existence--creating dreams for the dwellers of The World, a reversal process in which dreams were the original reality, the same as the real world. They were dreaming of reality and at the same time living in a surreal realm.
To be continued.
p/s: I thought I wanted to draw the characters but my MSPaint drawing is on the scale of ugly beyond recognition and redemption. So, no thank you very much.
And yes, this time I'm back for real.
Within the boundaries, cursed souls were writhing for absolution for they were trapped in between life and death due to their immortality. Who says being unable to feel saves you from suffering? [Refer to the logics of The World in Episode 1]
Hanis knew, it is not the matter of responsibility or obligation. Killing The Knight in Shining Armor is selfishly her personal interests. Never did she gave a damn to the dwellers of The World. As immortal as they were, they were deader than death itself--what is a life without a purpose? Nevertheless, The Knight must be dead, for he was the last threat to the existence of The World, the only thing that mattered to Hanis.
"After I kill that bastard, I will keep Morpheus in the infinite Void-- Hahahahah! His consciousness will be no more!" Hanis told herself.
About Morpheus
Here lies the truth. Hanis may had killed Morpheus, but death is not the accurate description to explain his condition. In fact, Morpheus is still alive and kicking, but only in another realm of consciousness between the real world and The World-- a place that never was, the land of dreamers that is different from the realm of The World which was accidentally formed. Hell, how can you kill something that doesn't exist?
The concept is simple. Much like the order of cosmos, you can never overwrite the same condition or composition to an object that is subject to the very same condition. In the case of Morpheus, an ambiguous nonexistence; it is not possible to overwrite erase his existence a.k.a. killing him because he does not exist. Much like feelings and emotions, they don't have to take the forms of existence but they are simply there.
How could Hanis "murder" Morpheus in the first place? The answer lies in her very own nature. Due to her abnormally developed imagination, she developed several layers of consciousness that transcend the limits of most human beings. It did not take her that long to finally encounter Morpheus in the deepest layer of consciousness.
Well, perhaps Morpheus was way too busy constructing dreams for humans, he didn't notice her. Or maybe he didn't care. This was never revealed until the end.
About Morpheus ends.
Thanks to the disrupted logic, Hanis was able to float herself in the air. She thrust speedily to The Knight in Shining Armor. Her thoughts raced with questions and disgusts. Back in the now fucked up reality, she used to know the Knight in Shining Armor. She used to know the person beneath that silver helmet very well, it scared her to imagine what to happen soon.
Anyway!
Hanis decided to drop by an old mansion for a few drinks, just to chill out before that fateful encounter. Thus she met Eszol, a merman who worked as a maid in that grand mansion possessed by an elegant countess, Larasephia. Being a merman working as maid, a peculiar mixture of existence and occupation, Eszol was often known as Mer-Maid-an. Whatever the hell that means.
Eszol made a terrible mistake. He pissed Hanis off by accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on her favourite pair of jeans (since that was the only pair of jeans she ever bought). Driven by anger fueled with rage, she mercilessly choked him to death and mutilated him to unrecognizable pieces of sashimi--and fed them to the inhabitants of the nearby town. Larasephia felt really glad and said,
"Thank God, I was really at loss trying to think of alibis. I sure could use a new maid!"
Hanis Manis was ready to depart till Larasephia reminded her,
"Dude, your pants!" Hanis had no choice but to borrow Larasephia's for she was late. Off she went.
Finally, the fateful encounter ensued. Hanis stood fearlessly facing The Knight, who was bored beyond redemption waiting for her.
Hanis spoke first to break the awkward silence,
"So you think being a knight will absolve you from your sins?"
The Knight answered,
"If absolution was my reason, I would never bother to be here. I would be with the rest of the dwellers of The World, not knowing a single fuck of your scheme! What is sin in your eyes and what is sin the Creator's eyes? I don't bother, as long as I am content about the world as I know it! I don't need absolution, I don't give shit to your judgement. I am here protecting these remnants of logics so I can return to who I was! If I was a sinner and that made me happy and it will make me happy again, SO BE IT!"
Shocked by his statement, Hanis said,
"You speak too much. I should have killed you back in the real world, you bastard! But... What can I do? I don't think I can do this. Your existence... Your voice... Even that bloody egoistic and selfish fuck of you, why am I still in love with you? Why can't you just die... By your own hands..."
He replied,
"Because I matter, more than I think of anyone. And that's enough reason for me. I don't need justice to prove anything. Morpheus will never die, Hanis. Unless you can kill me. HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!"
And with that, The Knight vanished from the scene with the remnants of logics, leaving Hanis, collapsed on her knees.
There is a loophole, despite of the reality-defying rules governing The World. Although the illogical nodes and miasma had tainted the the minds of people and devoured most of their logic, emotions, feelings and conscience-- such things never occurred to Hanis. That was the reason she could not bring herself to kill The Knight in Shining Armor.
In order to protect The World longer from the remnants of logics kept by The Knight, Hanis poured all of her consciousness into The World--creating The Void in the process, the place where Morpheus resided. With that action, The World turned to chaos as Hanis had forced Morpheus to enigmatic existence--creating dreams for the dwellers of The World, a reversal process in which dreams were the original reality, the same as the real world. They were dreaming of reality and at the same time living in a surreal realm.
To be continued.
p/s: I thought I wanted to draw the characters but my MSPaint drawing is on the scale of ugly beyond recognition and redemption. So, no thank you very much.
And yes, this time I'm back for real.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Gaming Rig and Windows 7 64 Bit
So, I've been away after 'The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus' prequel. Worry not for now I am back on track. Actually, I had been playing hide-and-seek with my supervisor of my mini-thesis. It was something like witch-hunting but well, I'm the best when it comes to disappearing. Truth is, academic and conventional writing bore me to death, sometimes I think all those assessment papers I wrote were out of touch with reality. Things we write on academic papers are often idealistic and far-fetched... But then again it's important for our future?
Sometimes I have this thought that I wanna be a hippie and live in the woods with animals and eat the products of nature, away from technology, politics, boring people, and all those worldly bullshit. But then again how can I write once I live in the woods? So automatically the idea is out of question.
Anyway, actually I was gone because I was busy tinkering with my new computer, replacing my old, rundown laptop with the marvel of new hardwares. It had been a few years I left the world of PC gaming because laptop computer is such a flawed device and its upgradability is very limited (save a few brands) so I decided I should wait till the technology gets cheaper. Then voila! RAM, processors and graphic cards are dirt cheap these days!
The specs of the new rig:
CPU: DualCore Intel Core i3 560, 3333 MHz (25 x 133)
GPU: NVIDIA GeForce GTS 450 GDDR5 (1GB)
Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-P55-UD3L (4 PCI, 1 PCI-E x1, 2 PCI-E x16, 4 DDR3 DIMM, Audio, Gigabit LAN)
RAM: Corsair Value Select VS2GB1333D4 4087 MB (DDR3-1333 DDR3 SDRAM)
OS: Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate 6.1.7600 (64 Bit)
HDD: Hitachi HDS721050CLA362 ATA Device (500 GB, 7200 RPM, SATA-II)
Cost: RM 2500++
I know this is pretty boring, unless you're a bit of a geek or planning to buy a new computer. But here's a bit of advice, for those familiar with computer hardwares. I bet it is questionable, why did I choose a dual-core processor, Intel Core i3 560 when I can get quad-core based Core i5 or Core i7, or the cheaper AMD processors. In choosing the best processor for your system, you must have a clear purpose in mind. As for me, my purpose is for gaming and a bit of not-too-intense graphic designing and editing. Thus, a 3.33 Ghz dual-core processor is sufficient enough for me because most games are GPU (Graphic Processing Unit) intensive rather than CPU intensive. While for Adobe Photoshop CS5 which I often use, it doesn't use that much CPU and Core i3 is actually more than enough for moderate Photoshop purpose.
That's why I choose Geforce GTS 450 as my graphic processor, a budget graphic card with considerable performance. It mostly supports Ultra-settings for current games. Oh, and it supports stereoscopic 3D too! *Jakun*
So, unless you plan to use the computer for heavy graphic use or other CPU based processes, stick to cheaper processors. Most games now use only two cores of your CPU, save a few games which are multi-thread based. CPU-wise, applications and programs use more CPU. There are exceptions though, for one, Grand Theft Auto 4 since this game is CPU intensive. It's the only game I can't set to the highest settings at the moment (since I don't plan to overclock the system just yet).
About the operating system. Right now I'm using Windows 7 64 Bit... Which is a really bad decision! I've always been a Forever Alone XP User. Anyway, first, here's a few good things about Window 7 64 Bit edition:
1. Your computer will be able to support more than 4GB of RAM. If you stick to 32-bit system, the maximum memory it can support is 4GB, well actually less than that because the memory is used by BIOS, drivers and other stuff, so approximately for 32-bit system, the maximum RAM it supports is about 3.25 GB. That's quite a loss!
2. More applications are developed for 64-bit systems, so it is considerable for future use.
3. It utilizes your quad-core processors to maximum use. Why buy when you can't use it to its full function?
4. Because Bill Gates say so.
What's bad about Windows 7 64 Bit:
1. Driver supports. Most drivers I used are perfectly usable but say goodbye to your older drivers (You'll need it if you use custom drivers packs).
2. Older games compatibility. Although there is improvised 'Compatibility Mode' by Windows, some older games refuse to run. In my experience, Postal 2 AWP Mod, err actually all Postal 2 games failed to run.
3. Random crashes for some games. Some games which you played on Vista or XP will not work as you expect; such as Crysis or Star Wars The Force unleashed. Some games don't even run or run with low FPS.
4. 64-bit doesn't always mean faster performance. Since some applications were specifically build for 32-bit system, using them in a 64-bit system actually makes them a bit slower.
5. Slower on low-specs computer. Don't even try if you have less than 2GB RAM. It's plain stupid, even if you can make it fast by turning of Windows services.
So, as a conclusion, I'm installing Windows 7 32-bit this weekend. 64-bit is okay but it's not the right time yet. At least until more applications and games need it, I'll stick with 32-bit system. In fact, I'm gonna install Windows XP SP3 to the other partition (dual boot) so I can use older applications and run older games.
Like I said, I'm Windows XP Forever Alone guy.
I'm sure I bored you guys to death now, yes? That's all for my occasional geek-rants.
Sometimes I have this thought that I wanna be a hippie and live in the woods with animals and eat the products of nature, away from technology, politics, boring people, and all those worldly bullshit. But then again how can I write once I live in the woods? So automatically the idea is out of question.
Anyway, actually I was gone because I was busy tinkering with my new computer, replacing my old, rundown laptop with the marvel of new hardwares. It had been a few years I left the world of PC gaming because laptop computer is such a flawed device and its upgradability is very limited (save a few brands) so I decided I should wait till the technology gets cheaper. Then voila! RAM, processors and graphic cards are dirt cheap these days!
The specs of the new rig:
CPU: DualCore Intel Core i3 560, 3333 MHz (25 x 133)
GPU: NVIDIA GeForce GTS 450 GDDR5 (1GB)
Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-P55-UD3L (4 PCI, 1 PCI-E x1, 2 PCI-E x16, 4 DDR3 DIMM, Audio, Gigabit LAN)
RAM: Corsair Value Select VS2GB1333D4 4087 MB (DDR3-1333 DDR3 SDRAM)
OS: Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate 6.1.7600 (64 Bit)
HDD: Hitachi HDS721050CLA362 ATA Device (500 GB, 7200 RPM, SATA-II)
Cost: RM 2500++
I know this is pretty boring, unless you're a bit of a geek or planning to buy a new computer. But here's a bit of advice, for those familiar with computer hardwares. I bet it is questionable, why did I choose a dual-core processor, Intel Core i3 560 when I can get quad-core based Core i5 or Core i7, or the cheaper AMD processors. In choosing the best processor for your system, you must have a clear purpose in mind. As for me, my purpose is for gaming and a bit of not-too-intense graphic designing and editing. Thus, a 3.33 Ghz dual-core processor is sufficient enough for me because most games are GPU (Graphic Processing Unit) intensive rather than CPU intensive. While for Adobe Photoshop CS5 which I often use, it doesn't use that much CPU and Core i3 is actually more than enough for moderate Photoshop purpose.
That's why I choose Geforce GTS 450 as my graphic processor, a budget graphic card with considerable performance. It mostly supports Ultra-settings for current games. Oh, and it supports stereoscopic 3D too! *Jakun*
So, unless you plan to use the computer for heavy graphic use or other CPU based processes, stick to cheaper processors. Most games now use only two cores of your CPU, save a few games which are multi-thread based. CPU-wise, applications and programs use more CPU. There are exceptions though, for one, Grand Theft Auto 4 since this game is CPU intensive. It's the only game I can't set to the highest settings at the moment (since I don't plan to overclock the system just yet).
About the operating system. Right now I'm using Windows 7 64 Bit... Which is a really bad decision! I've always been a Forever Alone XP User. Anyway, first, here's a few good things about Window 7 64 Bit edition:
1. Your computer will be able to support more than 4GB of RAM. If you stick to 32-bit system, the maximum memory it can support is 4GB, well actually less than that because the memory is used by BIOS, drivers and other stuff, so approximately for 32-bit system, the maximum RAM it supports is about 3.25 GB. That's quite a loss!
2. More applications are developed for 64-bit systems, so it is considerable for future use.
3. It utilizes your quad-core processors to maximum use. Why buy when you can't use it to its full function?
4. Because Bill Gates say so.
What's bad about Windows 7 64 Bit:
1. Driver supports. Most drivers I used are perfectly usable but say goodbye to your older drivers (You'll need it if you use custom drivers packs).
2. Older games compatibility. Although there is improvised 'Compatibility Mode' by Windows, some older games refuse to run. In my experience, Postal 2 AWP Mod, err actually all Postal 2 games failed to run.
3. Random crashes for some games. Some games which you played on Vista or XP will not work as you expect; such as Crysis or Star Wars The Force unleashed. Some games don't even run or run with low FPS.
4. 64-bit doesn't always mean faster performance. Since some applications were specifically build for 32-bit system, using them in a 64-bit system actually makes them a bit slower.
5. Slower on low-specs computer. Don't even try if you have less than 2GB RAM. It's plain stupid, even if you can make it fast by turning of Windows services.
So, as a conclusion, I'm installing Windows 7 32-bit this weekend. 64-bit is okay but it's not the right time yet. At least until more applications and games need it, I'll stick with 32-bit system. In fact, I'm gonna install Windows XP SP3 to the other partition (dual boot) so I can use older applications and run older games.
Like I said, I'm Windows XP Forever Alone guy.
I'm sure I bored you guys to death now, yes? That's all for my occasional geek-rants.
 |
| Gigabyte Geforce 450 1GB GDDR5 |
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus Episode 1
Now listen, I'm going to tell you about this traveler named Ms Hanis. No folks, this is not your typical fairy tale. Ms. Hanis is not your usual, everyday traveler who's short on cash. She traveled so far away she transcended both reality and dreams - to the land beyond the two extremes - of nothingness, even.
Living up her name, she was the first person who is able to murder Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, destroying the boundaries of real and unreal. What is real now? What is real then? As a result, The World emerged, which you will understand more later on.
The balance of nature is disturbed. Since the boundaries of real and unreal are no more, no one is able to die. The world scornfully blamed Ms. Hanis, but she is nowhere to be found. Heck, even if they wanted to, the mechanism of logic doesn't quite work anymore, enabling her to escape capture. Illogicality is so apparent the world is thrown into a bizarre form of chaos. No folks, you can't imagine that by your limited, realistic logic, the logic of The World is different than your logic because it is both logic and illogic. Yes, there is a few logics identified in The World.
Logics of The World:
1. No one can die in this world, yet they are not immortal.
2. Pain is minimal in every occurrence of injury, but the wound inflicted is ten-fold. Say, if you accidentally step on a thumbtack, you will lose your toe.
3. Life is no more appreciated since everyone can't die. So The World's defense mechanism (partly affected by Ms. Hanis emotion) reacted by inventing newer means to control population. This is done by erasing one's existence once their birth date is known by more than 99 people. So in The World, nobody knows each other's birthday.
4. Weather, seasons, disaster, and temperature are affected by Ms. Hanis emotions. When she's confused, the wind turns to whirlwind. Once she feels sad, the day becomes cloudy - the usual cliche. When she laughs, parts of The World shakes with tremor. Natural disaster is called Hanis Disaster in The World.
5. In this world, love is overrated, boring and lame since love is now perfect and flawless. The first two people who fell in love since The World's emergence, are dead now due to prolonged boredom. There's nothing to fight and argue about once any person falls in love with another. Curiously, people out of relationships can still argue as the usual. Thus, the only way to be able to love in The World is to love your own self in narcissistic fashion.
Actually there are more logics concerning The World, but we will look more on that later. The catch is, the logics do not always apply and similar to weather and The World's defense mechanism, logics are also affected by Ms. Hanis emotions.
Now, what was Ms. Hanis' reason for murdering Morpheus. Actually, there was no reason, just because and that's the running joke in The World. Everybody in The World agreed that is the funniest joke they had ever heard, but the joke cannot be told or else they will grow old. Remember, the mechanism of logic is severely disturbed - funny and unfunny is now just a thin line.
By the way, Ms. Hanis is not dead after her disappearance. Remember, no one is able to die, but since Ms. Hanis is the source of the illogical-logical chaos, she is able to die, but she did not. Right at this very moment, she is on her way to the The Fortress of Logics, seeking for the insignificant black chest which contained the remnants of the original logic left in the world. Really, those little remnants of logic bothered her to no end. Her goal is to totally eradicate logics, once and for all.
The problem is, the fortress is guarded by The Knight in Shining Armor; the only person who was able to withstand the influence of The World and understand true immortality. He persevered because of his strong attachment to machismo and sexism. How is that possible? Remember again, logic is disturbed but not totally eradicated.
Ms. Hanis sits alone under an awkwardly small table, doing the countdown before her final encounter with The Knight in Shining Armor. Why the small table when she could have chosen a larger table? Well, The World decides that since he (The World) thinks it is cuter to sit under a small table.
To be continued--
This fiction is a tribute to Hanis Manis for her entry featuring Mr. Val.
Picture credit: Candy and Some Grass
Living up her name, she was the first person who is able to murder Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, destroying the boundaries of real and unreal. What is real now? What is real then? As a result, The World emerged, which you will understand more later on.
The balance of nature is disturbed. Since the boundaries of real and unreal are no more, no one is able to die. The world scornfully blamed Ms. Hanis, but she is nowhere to be found. Heck, even if they wanted to, the mechanism of logic doesn't quite work anymore, enabling her to escape capture. Illogicality is so apparent the world is thrown into a bizarre form of chaos. No folks, you can't imagine that by your limited, realistic logic, the logic of The World is different than your logic because it is both logic and illogic. Yes, there is a few logics identified in The World.
Logics of The World:
1. No one can die in this world, yet they are not immortal.
2. Pain is minimal in every occurrence of injury, but the wound inflicted is ten-fold. Say, if you accidentally step on a thumbtack, you will lose your toe.
3. Life is no more appreciated since everyone can't die. So The World's defense mechanism (partly affected by Ms. Hanis emotion) reacted by inventing newer means to control population. This is done by erasing one's existence once their birth date is known by more than 99 people. So in The World, nobody knows each other's birthday.
4. Weather, seasons, disaster, and temperature are affected by Ms. Hanis emotions. When she's confused, the wind turns to whirlwind. Once she feels sad, the day becomes cloudy - the usual cliche. When she laughs, parts of The World shakes with tremor. Natural disaster is called Hanis Disaster in The World.
5. In this world, love is overrated, boring and lame since love is now perfect and flawless. The first two people who fell in love since The World's emergence, are dead now due to prolonged boredom. There's nothing to fight and argue about once any person falls in love with another. Curiously, people out of relationships can still argue as the usual. Thus, the only way to be able to love in The World is to love your own self in narcissistic fashion.
Actually there are more logics concerning The World, but we will look more on that later. The catch is, the logics do not always apply and similar to weather and The World's defense mechanism, logics are also affected by Ms. Hanis emotions.
 |
| Chairs in the world looks like this! See the chair in different perspective. (Pinjam gambar jap, Hanis) |
By the way, Ms. Hanis is not dead after her disappearance. Remember, no one is able to die, but since Ms. Hanis is the source of the illogical-logical chaos, she is able to die, but she did not. Right at this very moment, she is on her way to the The Fortress of Logics, seeking for the insignificant black chest which contained the remnants of the original logic left in the world. Really, those little remnants of logic bothered her to no end. Her goal is to totally eradicate logics, once and for all.
The problem is, the fortress is guarded by The Knight in Shining Armor; the only person who was able to withstand the influence of The World and understand true immortality. He persevered because of his strong attachment to machismo and sexism. How is that possible? Remember again, logic is disturbed but not totally eradicated.
Ms. Hanis sits alone under an awkwardly small table, doing the countdown before her final encounter with The Knight in Shining Armor. Why the small table when she could have chosen a larger table? Well, The World decides that since he (The World) thinks it is cuter to sit under a small table.
To be continued--
This fiction is a tribute to Hanis Manis for her entry featuring Mr. Val.
Picture credit: Candy and Some Grass
Monday, February 7, 2011
Cacamarba
Oleh kerana situasi kewangan yang kian meruncing akibat ketidaktelusan dalam pengurusan, juga kerana cuti raya orang Cina, aku balik ke rumah untuk menghabiskan beras. Juga kerana internet bukan benda yang penting di rumah aku, maka blog ini secara tidak sengaja telah mengalami status raya Cina juga.
Selamat Tahun Baru Cina, by the way. Sudahkah anda memakan limau Mandarin sehingga keracunan vitamin C? Jika belum berkesempatan, teruskan lagi.
Semasa sibuk mengunyah limau Mandarin mataku ralit menumpu pada kaca televisyen.
Semasa orang disini ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi mercun dan dam-dam-dum bunyi gendang tarian singa, orang disitu ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi letupan trak, balai polis, kenderaan awam dan peledak buatan tangan.
Semasa orang disini ceria dengan hiruk-pikuk tawa gembira sempena perayaan yang setahun sekali tiba, orang disana mungkin ceria juga dengan hiruk-pikuk jeritan revolusi, mencari arah untuk pengakhiran kukubesi yang tak kunjung tiba. 30 tahun, 30 tahun Hosni Mubarak.
Kukubesi? Mungkin tidak kukubesi bagi sesetengah. Tapi kukubesi juga tidak selalu bermaksud fizikal. Kukubesi kadang-kadang sesuatu yang tidak ternampak pada mata kasar tapi bertindak melalui jaringan halus yang dipanggil birokrasi, juga demokrasi. Ah apapun semua orang mahu menjadi kaya dan berkuasa, tidak begitu?
Malang, bagi sesiapa yang berada di tempat yang salah dan waktu yang salah. Malang, kerana semua itu tidak dirancang tapi itukan aturan dunia? Siapa yang dapat meramal revolusi? Bukan Tunisia yang harus dituding jari telunjuk, kerana hati yang membara itu seperti suis lampu yang menunggu untuk dipetik. Nah sekarang ia sudah menyala, bukan seperti lampu kalimantang tapi seperti lampu minyak tanah yang sudah melimpah.
Revolusi itu tidak selalu indah. Perubahan itu tidak selalunya nikmat, tidak juga selalunya baik, dan tidak juga selalunya berhasil dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri manusia itu mahu berubah kerana jika tidak itu bukan manusia, tapi cimpanzi. Maka tercetuslah revolusi. Revolusi itu perlu, kerana manusia itu cacamarba, kerana manusia itu tidak mampu untuk menampung kuasa, tidak mampu untuk menampung nafsu.
Revolusi itu kadang tak terbayar harganya. Dan lebih selalu dari tidak revolusi itu dibayar dengan darah. Kejamnya realiti, revolusi tidak akan selalu menepati janjinya untuk membawa sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri membuat ianya perlu, sama seperti keperluan untuk menukar kasut yang sudah menampakkan ibu jari kakimu tersenyum (melainkan kau suka ibu jarimu tersenyum).
Buku yang kita pernah baca kadang-kadang berkata, manusia itu sama tarafnya, semua punya suara, semua berdiri di tanah yang sama tinggi, sama rendah. Tapi benarkah? Jika begitu mengapa ada manusia yang terpaksa men-dam-dam-dum-kan dirinya dengan bom tangan hanya kerana mahu suaranya didengar? Tidak cukup lantangkah suaranya meraung? Tidak cukup nyatakah kewujudannya sebagai seorang yang punya jasad bernyawa?
Hairan, dunia itu cacamarba. Mungkin kerana itulah kadang-kadang berita dunia itu lebih jenaka dari rancangan lawak bodoh di kaca televisyen.
Selamat Tahun Baru Cina, by the way. Sudahkah anda memakan limau Mandarin sehingga keracunan vitamin C? Jika belum berkesempatan, teruskan lagi.
Semasa sibuk mengunyah limau Mandarin mataku ralit menumpu pada kaca televisyen.
Semasa orang disini ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi mercun dan dam-dam-dum bunyi gendang tarian singa, orang disitu ber-dam-dam-dum dengan bunyi letupan trak, balai polis, kenderaan awam dan peledak buatan tangan.
Semasa orang disini ceria dengan hiruk-pikuk tawa gembira sempena perayaan yang setahun sekali tiba, orang disana mungkin ceria juga dengan hiruk-pikuk jeritan revolusi, mencari arah untuk pengakhiran kukubesi yang tak kunjung tiba. 30 tahun, 30 tahun Hosni Mubarak.
Kukubesi? Mungkin tidak kukubesi bagi sesetengah. Tapi kukubesi juga tidak selalu bermaksud fizikal. Kukubesi kadang-kadang sesuatu yang tidak ternampak pada mata kasar tapi bertindak melalui jaringan halus yang dipanggil birokrasi, juga demokrasi. Ah apapun semua orang mahu menjadi kaya dan berkuasa, tidak begitu?
Malang, bagi sesiapa yang berada di tempat yang salah dan waktu yang salah. Malang, kerana semua itu tidak dirancang tapi itukan aturan dunia? Siapa yang dapat meramal revolusi? Bukan Tunisia yang harus dituding jari telunjuk, kerana hati yang membara itu seperti suis lampu yang menunggu untuk dipetik. Nah sekarang ia sudah menyala, bukan seperti lampu kalimantang tapi seperti lampu minyak tanah yang sudah melimpah.
Revolusi itu tidak selalu indah. Perubahan itu tidak selalunya nikmat, tidak juga selalunya baik, dan tidak juga selalunya berhasil dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri manusia itu mahu berubah kerana jika tidak itu bukan manusia, tapi cimpanzi. Maka tercetuslah revolusi. Revolusi itu perlu, kerana manusia itu cacamarba, kerana manusia itu tidak mampu untuk menampung kuasa, tidak mampu untuk menampung nafsu.
Revolusi itu kadang tak terbayar harganya. Dan lebih selalu dari tidak revolusi itu dibayar dengan darah. Kejamnya realiti, revolusi tidak akan selalu menepati janjinya untuk membawa sesuatu yang lebih baik. Tapi naluri membuat ianya perlu, sama seperti keperluan untuk menukar kasut yang sudah menampakkan ibu jari kakimu tersenyum (melainkan kau suka ibu jarimu tersenyum).
Buku yang kita pernah baca kadang-kadang berkata, manusia itu sama tarafnya, semua punya suara, semua berdiri di tanah yang sama tinggi, sama rendah. Tapi benarkah? Jika begitu mengapa ada manusia yang terpaksa men-dam-dam-dum-kan dirinya dengan bom tangan hanya kerana mahu suaranya didengar? Tidak cukup lantangkah suaranya meraung? Tidak cukup nyatakah kewujudannya sebagai seorang yang punya jasad bernyawa?
Hairan, dunia itu cacamarba. Mungkin kerana itulah kadang-kadang berita dunia itu lebih jenaka dari rancangan lawak bodoh di kaca televisyen.
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| Ini tarian Cha Cha. |
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