These are some Bah Dum Tish jokes I found from of course... The internet. -.- What is Bah Dum Tish jokes you ask me? They are mostly tasteless, politically incorrect, rude, morbid, sexist and they could be racist. They are essentially a bad choice of a joke to share with your friends or fellow neighbors during your tea time. And if you find yourself laughing after reading them, you should consider seeing a psychiatrist because you might either be a: basement dweller; murderer; racist; zombie; or pedophile.
1. A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. "What the hell are you two doing?" He screams. "See, I told you he was stupid," says the wife to the other man. BAHDUM TISH!
2. Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? BAHDUM TISH!
3. What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage. BAHDUM TISH!
4. What's Mary short for? She's got no legs. BAHDUM TISH!
5. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. BAHDUM TISH!
6. I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me. BAHDUM TISH!
7. There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". BAHDUM TISH!
8. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. BAHDUM TISH!
9. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? BAHDUM TISH!
10. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? BAHDUM TISH!
11. Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you. BAHDUM TISH!
12. Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day! BAHDUM TISH!
13. They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. BAHDUM TISH!
14. Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."BAHDUM TISH!
15. What do you call an anorexic chick with yeast infection??? Quarter pound with cheese BAHDUM TISH!
16. If you rape a prostitute, is it really rape or is it shoplifting? BAHDUM TISH!
17. What would you call Fred Flintstone if he was black? A nigger! BAHDUM TISH!
18. What's the best part of having sex with a 12 year old girl in the shower? If you pull her hair back she looks like an 8 year old girl! BAHDUM TISH!
19. Why don't Muslim's eat at McDonalds? 'Cause the burkas are better at Hungry Jacks! BAHDUM TISH!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Girl Who Murdered Morpheus Episode 2
After long, Hanis Manis woke from her deep slumber. Her eyes wide awake, gazing at the horizon of the illogical realm of The World. She hurled that little table she sat under in her slumber--to the boundaries of the logical and illogical realms.
Within the boundaries, cursed souls were writhing for absolution for they were trapped in between life and death due to their immortality. Who says being unable to feel saves you from suffering? [Refer to the logics of The World in Episode 1]
Hanis knew, it is not the matter of responsibility or obligation. Killing The Knight in Shining Armor is selfishly her personal interests. Never did she gave a damn to the dwellers of The World. As immortal as they were, they were deader than death itself--what is a life without a purpose? Nevertheless, The Knight must be dead, for he was the last threat to the existence of The World, the only thing that mattered to Hanis.
"After I kill that bastard, I will keep Morpheus in the infinite Void-- Hahahahah! His consciousness will be no more!" Hanis told herself.
About Morpheus
Here lies the truth. Hanis may had killed Morpheus, but death is not the accurate description to explain his condition. In fact, Morpheus is still alive and kicking, but only in another realm of consciousness between the real world and The World-- a place that never was, the land of dreamers that is different from the realm of The World which was accidentally formed. Hell, how can you kill something that doesn't exist?
The concept is simple. Much like the order of cosmos, you can never overwrite the same condition or composition to an object that is subject to the very same condition. In the case of Morpheus, an ambiguous nonexistence; it is not possible to overwrite erase his existence a.k.a. killing him because he does not exist. Much like feelings and emotions, they don't have to take the forms of existence but they are simply there.
How could Hanis "murder" Morpheus in the first place? The answer lies in her very own nature. Due to her abnormally developed imagination, she developed several layers of consciousness that transcend the limits of most human beings. It did not take her that long to finally encounter Morpheus in the deepest layer of consciousness.
Well, perhaps Morpheus was way too busy constructing dreams for humans, he didn't notice her. Or maybe he didn't care. This was never revealed until the end.
About Morpheus ends.
Thanks to the disrupted logic, Hanis was able to float herself in the air. She thrust speedily to The Knight in Shining Armor. Her thoughts raced with questions and disgusts. Back in the now fucked up reality, she used to know the Knight in Shining Armor. She used to know the person beneath that silver helmet very well, it scared her to imagine what to happen soon.
Anyway!
Hanis decided to drop by an old mansion for a few drinks, just to chill out before that fateful encounter. Thus she met Eszol, a merman who worked as a maid in that grand mansion possessed by an elegant countess, Larasephia. Being a merman working as maid, a peculiar mixture of existence and occupation, Eszol was often known as Mer-Maid-an. Whatever the hell that means.
Eszol made a terrible mistake. He pissed Hanis off by accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on her favourite pair of jeans (since that was the only pair of jeans she ever bought). Driven by anger fueled with rage, she mercilessly choked him to death and mutilated him to unrecognizable pieces of sashimi--and fed them to the inhabitants of the nearby town. Larasephia felt really glad and said,
"Thank God, I was really at loss trying to think of alibis. I sure could use a new maid!"
Hanis Manis was ready to depart till Larasephia reminded her,
"Dude, your pants!" Hanis had no choice but to borrow Larasephia's for she was late. Off she went.
Finally, the fateful encounter ensued. Hanis stood fearlessly facing The Knight, who was bored beyond redemption waiting for her.
Hanis spoke first to break the awkward silence,
"So you think being a knight will absolve you from your sins?"
The Knight answered,
"If absolution was my reason, I would never bother to be here. I would be with the rest of the dwellers of The World, not knowing a single fuck of your scheme! What is sin in your eyes and what is sin the Creator's eyes? I don't bother, as long as I am content about the world as I know it! I don't need absolution, I don't give shit to your judgement. I am here protecting these remnants of logics so I can return to who I was! If I was a sinner and that made me happy and it will make me happy again, SO BE IT!"
Shocked by his statement, Hanis said,
"You speak too much. I should have killed you back in the real world, you bastard! But... What can I do? I don't think I can do this. Your existence... Your voice... Even that bloody egoistic and selfish fuck of you, why am I still in love with you? Why can't you just die... By your own hands..."
He replied,
"Because I matter, more than I think of anyone. And that's enough reason for me. I don't need justice to prove anything. Morpheus will never die, Hanis. Unless you can kill me. HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!"
And with that, The Knight vanished from the scene with the remnants of logics, leaving Hanis, collapsed on her knees.
There is a loophole, despite of the reality-defying rules governing The World. Although the illogical nodes and miasma had tainted the the minds of people and devoured most of their logic, emotions, feelings and conscience-- such things never occurred to Hanis. That was the reason she could not bring herself to kill The Knight in Shining Armor.
In order to protect The World longer from the remnants of logics kept by The Knight, Hanis poured all of her consciousness into The World--creating The Void in the process, the place where Morpheus resided. With that action, The World turned to chaos as Hanis had forced Morpheus to enigmatic existence--creating dreams for the dwellers of The World, a reversal process in which dreams were the original reality, the same as the real world. They were dreaming of reality and at the same time living in a surreal realm.
To be continued.
p/s: I thought I wanted to draw the characters but my MSPaint drawing is on the scale of ugly beyond recognition and redemption. So, no thank you very much.
And yes, this time I'm back for real.
Within the boundaries, cursed souls were writhing for absolution for they were trapped in between life and death due to their immortality. Who says being unable to feel saves you from suffering? [Refer to the logics of The World in Episode 1]
Hanis knew, it is not the matter of responsibility or obligation. Killing The Knight in Shining Armor is selfishly her personal interests. Never did she gave a damn to the dwellers of The World. As immortal as they were, they were deader than death itself--what is a life without a purpose? Nevertheless, The Knight must be dead, for he was the last threat to the existence of The World, the only thing that mattered to Hanis.
"After I kill that bastard, I will keep Morpheus in the infinite Void-- Hahahahah! His consciousness will be no more!" Hanis told herself.
About Morpheus
Here lies the truth. Hanis may had killed Morpheus, but death is not the accurate description to explain his condition. In fact, Morpheus is still alive and kicking, but only in another realm of consciousness between the real world and The World-- a place that never was, the land of dreamers that is different from the realm of The World which was accidentally formed. Hell, how can you kill something that doesn't exist?
The concept is simple. Much like the order of cosmos, you can never overwrite the same condition or composition to an object that is subject to the very same condition. In the case of Morpheus, an ambiguous nonexistence; it is not possible to overwrite erase his existence a.k.a. killing him because he does not exist. Much like feelings and emotions, they don't have to take the forms of existence but they are simply there.
How could Hanis "murder" Morpheus in the first place? The answer lies in her very own nature. Due to her abnormally developed imagination, she developed several layers of consciousness that transcend the limits of most human beings. It did not take her that long to finally encounter Morpheus in the deepest layer of consciousness.
Well, perhaps Morpheus was way too busy constructing dreams for humans, he didn't notice her. Or maybe he didn't care. This was never revealed until the end.
About Morpheus ends.
Thanks to the disrupted logic, Hanis was able to float herself in the air. She thrust speedily to The Knight in Shining Armor. Her thoughts raced with questions and disgusts. Back in the now fucked up reality, she used to know the Knight in Shining Armor. She used to know the person beneath that silver helmet very well, it scared her to imagine what to happen soon.
Anyway!
Hanis decided to drop by an old mansion for a few drinks, just to chill out before that fateful encounter. Thus she met Eszol, a merman who worked as a maid in that grand mansion possessed by an elegant countess, Larasephia. Being a merman working as maid, a peculiar mixture of existence and occupation, Eszol was often known as Mer-Maid-an. Whatever the hell that means.
Eszol made a terrible mistake. He pissed Hanis off by accidentally spilling pumpkin juice on her favourite pair of jeans (since that was the only pair of jeans she ever bought). Driven by anger fueled with rage, she mercilessly choked him to death and mutilated him to unrecognizable pieces of sashimi--and fed them to the inhabitants of the nearby town. Larasephia felt really glad and said,
"Thank God, I was really at loss trying to think of alibis. I sure could use a new maid!"
Hanis Manis was ready to depart till Larasephia reminded her,
"Dude, your pants!" Hanis had no choice but to borrow Larasephia's for she was late. Off she went.
Finally, the fateful encounter ensued. Hanis stood fearlessly facing The Knight, who was bored beyond redemption waiting for her.
Hanis spoke first to break the awkward silence,
"So you think being a knight will absolve you from your sins?"
The Knight answered,
"If absolution was my reason, I would never bother to be here. I would be with the rest of the dwellers of The World, not knowing a single fuck of your scheme! What is sin in your eyes and what is sin the Creator's eyes? I don't bother, as long as I am content about the world as I know it! I don't need absolution, I don't give shit to your judgement. I am here protecting these remnants of logics so I can return to who I was! If I was a sinner and that made me happy and it will make me happy again, SO BE IT!"
Shocked by his statement, Hanis said,
"You speak too much. I should have killed you back in the real world, you bastard! But... What can I do? I don't think I can do this. Your existence... Your voice... Even that bloody egoistic and selfish fuck of you, why am I still in love with you? Why can't you just die... By your own hands..."
He replied,
"Because I matter, more than I think of anyone. And that's enough reason for me. I don't need justice to prove anything. Morpheus will never die, Hanis. Unless you can kill me. HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!"
And with that, The Knight vanished from the scene with the remnants of logics, leaving Hanis, collapsed on her knees.
There is a loophole, despite of the reality-defying rules governing The World. Although the illogical nodes and miasma had tainted the the minds of people and devoured most of their logic, emotions, feelings and conscience-- such things never occurred to Hanis. That was the reason she could not bring herself to kill The Knight in Shining Armor.
In order to protect The World longer from the remnants of logics kept by The Knight, Hanis poured all of her consciousness into The World--creating The Void in the process, the place where Morpheus resided. With that action, The World turned to chaos as Hanis had forced Morpheus to enigmatic existence--creating dreams for the dwellers of The World, a reversal process in which dreams were the original reality, the same as the real world. They were dreaming of reality and at the same time living in a surreal realm.
To be continued.
p/s: I thought I wanted to draw the characters but my MSPaint drawing is on the scale of ugly beyond recognition and redemption. So, no thank you very much.
And yes, this time I'm back for real.
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